I Officially Hate Out & About
What a momentous week for Barstool Sports, the best company in the world. No company other than Barstool can so seamlessly transition from watching millionaires sweat out their college basketball bets, to promoting MEGA VIRAL anti-hand washing propaganda so preposterous that it singlehandedly negates all the tireless work the likes of Jenna Marbles, Asa Akira, Sofia Franklin, Alex Cooper, and Kelly Keegs have done to bolster the reputation of women at Barstool Sports over the past two decades.
It all came to a head yesterday afternoon in the form of a showdown for the ages between the two brightest minds reddest heads in the office. Francis Ellis vs Kelly Keegs. I had a front row seat to the action. A seat which I instantly vacated the second Francis started a sentence with, "Since when has Barstool Sports been a bastion for women—" (I forget how the rest of the sentence went, but you see where it's going). The debate raged on for what seemed like several hours. I simply minded my own business and watched politely from a far.
I'll be honest with you, I didn't read Kelly Keegs, I Officially Hate The Mean Girls blog. Like everyone else, I formed my own opinion based on conversations I overheard + the most highly upvoted comments on the Barstool Sports Reddit page. But now that I've half-heartedly listened to maybe 30% of this argument, I'm ready to take a firm stance.
John's Stance: I STAND WITH KELLY KEEGS
That's right, I'm not afraid to fucking say it, either.
The Mean Girls stupidity hurts the image of not only the women at Barstool Sports, but Barstool Sports as a whole. What somebody does for content under the Barstool umbrella affects everyone at our company. Dave Portnoy has been meticulously cultivating our image ever since that day in 2003 when he pulled his windowless van up to an unsuspecting stranger's home to present them with the inaugural issue of Barstool Sports. We've been on a meteoric rise ever since.
Not everyone at Barstool is going to agree with each other at all times. Our office has people from all walks of life. Football fans, baseball fans, basketball fans, hockey fans, soccer fans, MMA fans, women, etc. The list goes on and on. But in general, Barstool Sports is successful because we're all in the same boat, paddling in the same direction, and we're not going to stop until we reach the shores of the moon.
Left-side paddle, right-side paddle, left-side paddle, right-side paddle. Everybody taking turns, everybody doing their part to keep the boat on course. The fastest way to the moon is a straight line. But what happens when somebody wants to go a different direction? What if someone goes rogue, and wants to steer our boat to the left? What if they want to go WAYYY left.
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Much like Kelly Keegs is constantly having to answer for the Mean Girls stupidity, I am sick and tired of having to answer for Out & About's bullshit. I did not work my ass off for 3 weeks leading up to Barstool Idol to get my dream job at Barstool Sports, just to have these 2 lovely men tear down everything that WE have built.
Barstool Sports is not a bastion for tops & bottoms. You have no idea how many texts I receive from my friends, parents, college professors, Rhodes Scholars, my pastor, and everybody in my life who I respect, all asking me the same thing, "Are the Out & About guys really like that? Is a day at Barstool just never ending sodomy? Just a bunch of dudes fucking each other and blowing their loads all over the place?" Then I have to respond, "No, it's not. Those are just 2 guys. Barstool isn't really like that. It's actually just a bunch of a grown adults throwing temper tantrums because they're unsatisfied with their favorite sport's team's performance." That's what Barstool Sports is really about. Not this.
But apparently that's the type of toilet humor that gets attention on the internet. I've seen the Out & About boys at work. They sit in the gambling cave cooking up the most raunchy, disgusting, hot, sexy content that they can think of. Anything for a cheap click. And time after time, it works. Joey Camasta runs around the office with a vibrating rubber penis, and what do the higher ups do? They throw them a fucking parade. Thanks, Gaz.
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Do we throw a parade every time Dave or Big Cat wins a bet? Not literally. But this is the type of content that Barstool Sports obviously wants to promote in 2023. A selacious sex podcast where the hosts say outlandish things for attention. Is that type of content really sustainable long-term?
Look, I understand that clicks pay the bills, and Out & About gets the clicks. There's no denying that. But we have to be better. The standard needs to be raised. There are other ways to make a name for yourself. I just hope these 2 feel a shred of embarrassment after this blog. This is Barstool SPORTS. We need to protect the brand. VIVA!