What Does Gardner Minshew Mean For The Colts?

Yesterday, the Indianapolis Colts signed Gardner Minshew to a 3-year, $3.5 million dollar contract. Which means that in the event somebody storms NFL Headquarters, holds Roger Goodell hostage, and forces him to schedule a football game in late March/early April between the Colts and the Jaguars, Gardner Minshew is the Colts starting quarterback. At least I would hope they start Minshew over Sam Ehlinger or Nick Foles in this hypothetical pre-NFL Draft terrorist game scenario.

But what else does Gardner Minshew mean for the Colts? More than anything, Gardner Minshew means A LOT of mustache jokes. Any fanbase who has ever had a quarterback with a mustache thinks a mustache is the single greatest personality feature a man can have. Colts fans are going to eat that shit up. Somewhere in Fort Wayne, a father of 3 has already purchased his family matching wigs, mustaches, and headbands in preparation for Week 4 when Anthony Richardson* tears both of his ACL's trying to leap over the offensive live and Minshew-Mania sweeps across Indiana. 

Or maybe Minshew will start Week 1. Maybe he need the help of gruesome injury, or a domestic terrorist attack to start a game for the Colts. Despite Anthony Richardson* vertical leaping ability, he might not be ready to start immediately, meaning Minshew-Mania will hit the ground running, and mustache culture will infiltrate Lucas Oil Stadium from the very beginning. Maybe the Colts will make him a brand new mustache song. Indiana does have a storied history of very good team songs.

But to be fair to Minshew, unlike that asshole center from Gonzaga's basketball team, Minshew's personality is more than just a mustache. He seems to be a truly eccentric guy, and a genuine weirdo - which is a good thing. He's got a fun dad. His dad allegedly wanted to name him Beowulf instead of Gardner, which is pretty neat. One time they shared a heart warming fight-hug in the parking lot after a game.

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Minshew once went on the popular sports podcast, "Pardon My Take", and told a story of how he tried to break his hand with a hammer to gain an extra year of eligibility in college. 

He apparently stretches in nothing but a jockstrap in the locker room before games, which Is very dudes rock of him. He wrestled an alligator one time.

When you combine all of that with a score of 42 on the Wonderlic test (which is very good), Minshew makes for quite the character. He's a vibes guy. The Colts could use a vibes guy in the QB room. It's been a while since we've had one. Phil Rivers, Carson Wentz, Matt Ryan, Sam Ehlinger, Nick Foles. That lineup of QB's does NOT inspire good vibes. Carson Wentz alone can set your team's vibes back for years. I always say, the number one thing I want the Colts to be in fun. Gardner Minshew is fun. Who knows what capacity he'll end up playing for the Colts in, but I can't be mad about them signing a fun QB. 

*Until further notice, I am operating under the assumption that Anthony Richardson will be the Colts #1 draft pick. I have talked myself into Anthony Richardson. You can't pass up the opportunity to have the most high jumping quarterback in the history of the NFL Draft.