The Animal Apocalypse Continues as Baboons Critically Injure Hikers by Rolling EXPLODING Boulders Down a Cliff at Them

Jerry Thornton3/14/2023 5:50 PM

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I don't know if this is a part of human nature or it's some impression we've gotten over millennia of living in villages surrounded by other humans and domesticated animals, but we're all guilty of operating under the assumption that beasts of the wild are cute and mean us no harm. That as long as we leave them alone, they'll do the same and everybody wins. Humankind and nature co-existing in harmony. Live and let live, and all that.

And possibly no member of the animal kingdom has been the beneficiary of this goodwill more than the apes. Oh, they're so much like us. We share so much DNA with them! Jane Goodall! Gorillas in the Mist! Chimpanzees who wear clothes and ride rollerskates for our entertainment! Especially the baboons, who we consider among the wisest of the primates. Humanizing them into always being the advisor to The Lion King or the old Japanese anime that The Lion King shamelessly ripped off.

Well, if you'll allow me the unintentional animal pun: Horseshit. Nature sucks. Animals are out to get us. It's an us-or-them world and we had better get back to work, reinforcing our dominion over these savage creatures. Humans are under attack from these bloodthirsty varmints. And have been for some time:

That was three years ago. And while our side has been sitting it out, they've been escalating the war. The latest being this unprovoked attack on our kind:

Source - A PACK of bloodthirsty baboons have broken three hikers' legs after they rolled huge 130lb boulders over a cliff that struck the adventures.
The group of seven were hiking in the Banhoek Mountains, South Africa, when they came under attack from the peeved primates. …
According to local authorities, the pack had just reached a narrow ledge at a waterfall where two of the hikers rappelled down the cliff's edge to safer ground.
The unusual site of men abseiling down the mountain face was believed to have agitated the baboons up above, who started sending rocks down in their direction.
The remaining five hikers suddenly came under fire from the barrage of stones with a 130lb boulder landing between them.
The giant boulder exploded and sent razor sharp rock shards into the legs of three hikers who collapsed upon impact.
The other two men received minor injuries but one was saved by his safety harness after an incoming rock nearly sent him plummeting over the edge.

Now, before you go to the default setting of victim-shaming the humans and claiming the apes were only protecting themselves, bear in mind these weren't some idiots testing Darwin's hypotheses by hopping the fence at the gorilla habitat at the zoo, climbing out of their car near the lions on a safari or trying to pet the bears in a National Park, just asking for trouble. These were hikers. Nature lovers, just trying to enjoy the splendor of God's great outdoors. They were no more a threat to these feral vermin than they'd be to a platoon of armed infantry. And yet they get ambushed like this. Because these furry little monsters are coming for us all. They've got weapons and they know how to use them.

The thing is, it's not that long ago that breaking your leg in a remote wildnerness was a death sentence. You'd tell your companions to leave you and save themselves, and they'd bring tales of your selflessness to your widow and children. Fortunately for this group, we've invented medivac helicopters. Which is great. But what we need is armed attack choppers to be sent in and wipe out these beasts before they wipe us out. Left unchecked, it's only a matter of time before they're running the planet.