Report: Tom Brady is About to Launch the Career He Was Born to Do: Stand Up Comedy

Steven Senne. Shutterstock Images.

Of all the stories so far in this NFL offseason so far, the one that makes the least sense isn't the Raiders releasing Derek Carr, the Rams dumping Bobby Wagner one season into his contract, or Aaron Rodgers sitting alone in the dark meditating. It's Tom Brady's decision not to go straight into TV and start cashing those sweet, sweet 35 million Foxbucks checks. Well it appears that mystery might have just been solved:

Source - NFL legend Tom Brady has drawn up a game plan for a new career in stand-up comedy but his inner circle has been trying to talk him out of it, RadarOnline.com has learned. 

According to sources, “Tom was a terrific quarterback, but he needs to toss this idea before it’s too late,” said a source who heard the football star’s material. 

“As a comic — he’s strictly a water boy,” added the insider. The Tampa Bay Buc’s ego inflated when Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Rita Moreno gushed over him in the recent comedy flick 80 for Brady, and sources said the experience left him feeling like an all-pro comic. … [B]ut he’ll be playing in a whole different league if he takes up the stand-up stage,” said the insider.

“He does a great impersonation of former teammate Rob Gronkowski — and his over-the-top Boston accent is hilarious,” said the sports insider. 

Of course. It all makes perfect sense. His star turn as himself in 80 for Brady, which followed up his other great performance as himself in Ted 2, and that other one in that Paul Rudd vehicle nobody every actually watched, got him bitten by the comedy bug. Or more to the point, rekindled the love of doing live comedy that began with his legendary performance hosting SNL. I believe that we can all agree his monologue was the best in the almost 50 seasons of the show. It was a chance for him to show off his natural ability, perfect timing, rapier wit, precise punchline delivery, singing, dancing, and his Kermit the Frog impression that might as well have come right from Jim Henson himself:

I get it. Totally. There is no feeling in the world like standing before a live audience of strangers and making them laugh with nothing but your words. Nothing comes close. I too was drawn to that bright showbusiness spotlight, beginning the early 90s:

… and it hasn't diminished one bit. So there's no reason to think winning seven Super Bowls would extinguish that flame in Brady, either. 

So shame on these "sources" and "insiders" who are trying to talk him out of it. They're probably the same people who told him he'd never be drafted by the Montreal Expos, couldn't play at Michigan, or never amount to anything as a quarterback. He's been proving them wrong all along. Dead wrong.

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So why should this be any different? 

My advice to Tom Brady is to take his advice from Tom Brady. Believe in yourself, no matter what anyone says. The more you do, the more successful you'll be. The world deserves to see your stand up chops. We need to see your Gronk impression. We need a comic who can do a spot-on Boston accent, because you can never have enough of those. 

Besides, for a man who has accomplished as much as Brady has, stand up will be a snap. It's a different sort of stage, but the skills are applicable. Holding an audiences attention is no harder than controlling a huddle. Bombing is not nearly as bad as taking a safety on the first play or throwing a Pick-6 in a Super Bowl. And there's not a heckler in the world as threatening as Bernard Pollard or the Giants NASCAR front. He's already faced every one of those challenges and lived to tell the tale. So there's no reason to think that by this time next year, he'll be making us all forget about Chappelle, CK, Mullaney, Rock, or Thornton. The world of stand up comedy is about to crown a new GOAT.