The King Cake Baby Is Terrifying No Matter What Anyone Says
I'm not what you would consider a "cultured" person. Before Barstool I barely even left the midwest. I don't think I think I'd even met anyone from Louisiana until I started working here and made a trip to Baton Rouge last year (though I don't remember most of it). So I was not familiar with the King Cake Baby before this week when I saw Mintzy and Megan talking about it on "Money Shots". Megan referred to The King Cake Baby as "terrifying"..and she undersold it. This monstrosity has been living rent-free in my head, giving me nightmares all week, and he put me in a body bag last night.
Because of one Google search, I'm aware that King Cake Babies are a Mardi Gras tradition, so I give this thing's creator (presumably Dr. Frankenstein) credit for keeping it local. It has no real connection to the Pelicans, who already have their own mascot. But this thing is so hideous that it's beautiful, which is something I relate to. I initially took a shot at the King Cake Baby because I swear this is what Gritty would look like if someone shaved his orange fur (is it fur or hair? Are they the same thing? Whatever, I digress.)
So I decided to put the question out to the beautiful people on Twitter. Per usual, because it's Twitter, the responses were divisive. Some claimed King Cake Baby was true royalty, and some were on my side. It was all fun in games until the actual King Cake Baby stiff-armed me like he was Marshawn Lynch in the 2010 playoffs.
I mean…the baby's science is too tight. What he says goes. I could've been a bitch and tried to clap back, but what's the point? I pulled a Papa Doc at the end of "8 Mile" and swallowed the microphone. The joke was in fact on me.
It takes a true man to own up to his mistakes, so I'll wear this one. I am pledging my allegiance to the King Cake Baby. And because the Pistons play like a high school team, I might pledge my allegiance to the New Orleans Pelicans. I'll have to get down to Smoothie King Center with Mintzy soon and meet my new hero…but he is still terrifying, I won't concede that.
