Advertisement

Eli Apple Learns the Hard Way That Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold. By Brittany Mahomes.

Jamie Squire. Getty Images.

I think it's stating the obvious to point out that America has a relationship with Patrick Mahomes' wife Brittany that is, to put it mildly, complicated. In a way, she's the perfect product of the age of social media we have created. A reflection of the worst aspects of an increasingly narcissistic culture. Whether she's soaking the people unfortunate enough to be sitting underneath her luxury box with champagne and then demanding to live in a consequence-free environment, immune from criticism:

… or simply taking to the internet to complain seemingly every time her husband gets hit, she's just one of those public figures who is generally off-putting and seems to embrace the negative reaction she gets. Think a wrestling heel. Or a petulant pop star with a bad boy image. Or an arrogant, cocky, self-promoting athlete. 

Speaking of which, every word of that descriptive could also be used to describe one the players Brittany's husband beat last night. In fact, they have:

Eli Apple has a long, inglorious history of running his mouth and his texting thumbs against anyone and everyone the Bengals beat. His talk might be way out of proportion for a guy who's on his fourth team in seven years and hasn't won a ring. But it's hard to argue he's not one of the most prolific shit-talkers in the NFL. Something he established last year in beating the Chiefs at Arrowhead, with Tyreek Hill as the target:

And a week earlier, when Cincy won in Buffalo going after Stefon Diggs:

Advertisement

But as it says in the Bible, live by the obnoxious Tweet, die by the obnoxious Tweet. Brittany, a master Twitterer in her own right, had done the research and was ready to pounce the moment Harrison Butker's game-winner split the uprights:

By no means am I a fan of hers, but at a moment like this, you have to admire her work. She works in pettiness like another great artist might work in oils or clay. It's her true medium. And since she's directing it at one of the truly great sore winners in his own right, the further you step back and stare at her canvas, the more it touches you. 

This is a masterpiece of troll-on-troll crime. Building off the original artists work, turning it back on him and making something profound. You can hate the artist, but you can't let that get in the way of appreciating her craft. All we can do is hope that we all marry someone willing to be this insufferable on our behalf. Especially when they direct their hatred toward someone who is even more insufferable. Because when two contemptible celebrities go to war online, we all win.

Well played, Mrs. Mahomes. Well played indeed.

Giphy Images.