The Definitive List Of People Who Deserve To Be Arrested For Their Online Behavior (Blog Wheel)
Over 3,000 people in the UK have been arrested for making posts on social media. The Blog Wheel put me in a tough spot with this topic. I was originally thinking I would look at some different cases, makes some jokes about them, then determine whether or not the person deserved to be arrested. But the cases aren't fun. I don't want to spend multiple paragraphs discussing the British man who made a Swastika out of LGBTQ flags. A political discussion about free speech is above my pay grade.
I will say, the way that the law is written seems very shady and subjective
Independent - The Communications Act 2003 defines illegal communication as “using public electronic communications network in order to cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety”. Breaking the law carries a six-month prison term or fine of up to £5,000.
So they can arrest anyone who causes annoyance? If that's true, I could make a case to arrest anybody with a Twitter account. This is why you could never put me in a position of power. If I had the green light to send people to jail for 6 months because they "caused annoyance" I would send everyone away. The internet is the most annoying place in the world. I'm annoyed more often than I'm not annoyed. If I was in charge, I would have all of these people arrested for their online behavior on my first day in office.
Anybody who has ever made a negative comment about me online
They certainly caused me annoyance. Shame on me if I don't use my powers to bring down personal enemies
People who are making Damar Hamlin clone videos
It's too much. I'm tired of seeing the same video. You didn't crack open a crazy conspiracy. You cut together the same 3 Damar Hamlin videos that everybody saw and played some ominous music in the background. He's not a clone. And don't call me a sheep. The people who believe Damar Hamlin is a clone are real sheep. That's the conspiracy the NFL wants you to believe. Open your eyes.
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Luckily Damar making a video shut most of these people up except for the especially crazy ones.
The family who thinks they've taught their dog Bunny the English language
If you give a monkey a keyboard and made him type for eternity he will eventually write Hamlet. I have no qualms with Bunny The Dog. Bunny, you seem like a lovely girl, but your owners are objectively bad people. I'm so sorry you're being exploited by shitty humans. I'm sorry they shove a camera in your face, talk to you in a stupid voice, and force you to hit random buttons for hours on end until you eventually land on a cute combination so they can post a TikTok saying, "OH MY GOD DO YOU SEE HOW SMART OUR BUNNY IS SHE KNOWS WORDS SSSLDKELNVSASDF."
If that alone doesn't convince you of how terrible this family is, here's a video of Bunny the dog have an existential crisis.
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So in a world where Bunny really is talking to them, they've ruined her life by pushing her to a point where she has become self-aware, and is now having an existential crisis. But despite that, they just keep filming her. Just let Bunny be a dog. Dogs are already happy you ass holes. Bunny isn't your fucking science experiment. You're basically testing on animals. They should be in jail for whatever the human equivalent of the number of dog years they've been forcing Bunny to perform for them. They should have their voice boxes removed (temporarily & humanely), and be forced to communicate only through buttons for the duration of their prison sentence.
Jackson Mahomes
Don't like him. Never have. He's been in the shadows a little bit more lately, but his past behavior should not go unpunished. For some reason I can't even share his TikTok's on here. He must have his profile set to coward mode. Luckily I was able to find this 3 minute Jackson Mahones cringe compilation on YouTube for your pleasure.
He moves so awkwardly. How can someone with the same genes are Patrick Mahomes look so clumsy when they dance?
Stu Feiner
He's been getting away with this for too long. Somebody has to put a stop to him.
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Barstool Sports has just been letting this happen for years. This is the behavior of a man who should not be left to his own devices. He's a super nice guy. I love the man. But for the sake of humanity he should probably spend a few months behind bars. I'm also DYING to see what the sales on his website look like, and if anyone has ever bought a an NFL Season Pass for $100k.
Anybody from TikTok who has ever been featured on the Sharon Left Me Instagram
I think the account has been made private, however I believe he accepts followers. Whatever you do, do not follow it. Seriously. I promise you don't want it. Unless you want to start seeing things like this every time you open Instagram.
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The account is actually run by Kenjac, who works at Barstool. He should be thrown in jail as well for exposing us to these videos.
Darren Rovell
I can't believe he never deleted the JFK tweet. Type in '@darrenrovell JFK' and it's the first video that pops up. I'm sure posting a murder is against the community guidelines. Idk how he got away with that one.
Elon Musk
Elon Musk is a weak submission. He's too easy to hate on. It's low hanging fruit. I don't even have much of a problem with him. I don't mind a horrible meme every now and then. But his bee tweets the other day rubbed me the wrong way, so I'd like him in jail. Did he just discover that the words 'bee' and 'be' are homophones? The problem is he would get sent to one of those fancy prisons where he gets to have his phone. Then the would be nonstop.
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The Binance People
I need one person arrested for every bot. Speaking of Elon Musk, I don't know how he's not fixed this yet.
People who reply publicly to porn stars tweets
There's so many people out there who strictly live on porn twitter, and reply to porn stars ALL THE TIME. Some of them don't even use a fake name. I'm not even sure if they know their replies are public. There's one guy in particular who I'm fascinated by. I don't want to expose his name, but his Twitter account is about 50% replying to porn stars, and 50% posting about the Winnipeg Jets. I would love to have a beer with him and pick his brain (right before I have him arrested).
Dancing TikTok Cops
TikTok is really where a majority of these arrests need to be made from. For starters, the dancing cops should go ahead and arrest themselves.
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People Who Do Live Egg Peeling TikToks and Never Take Off The Very Last Piece of Shell
There's a section of TikTok where all people do is slowly peel the shell off a raw egg. Idk how long it normally takes them, but I always catch them going live at the very end of the egg when they just have a tiny little piece left to pull off. But they drag it out for hours and tease you with it.
Here's the guy I hate the most. Imagine you come across him doing a live egg peeling. You see he just has 1 small piece left, so you figure you'll watch him peel it real quick. But he just never pulls it off. He does this annoying countdown and keeps teasing you with it. He's so close to finishing, and you just want to see him do it so you can move on with your life. But he keeps faking it. Here's a video of when he FINALLY pulls the last piece off, but imagine him building up to that moment for a full hour. It's infuriating. You can tell how fed up people get by the live comments.
The People Who Are Paying To Wake Up Somebody Live Streaming Themself Sleeping
Up until a few days ago, I thought Egg Peeling Tok was the worst of the Toks. But then I discovered the people who live stream themselves sleeping, and charge people money to wake them up.
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The people doing the sleeping are bad, but I can at least give them credit for finding an easy way to make money. It's the viewers who are sending them real money that allowed this to become a trend. This really might be the dumbest content on the internet. It's straight out of the movie Idiocracy. The people paying these guys need to be incarcerated.
Jon Rothstein
The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again.. or something like that. Clearly Jon is not a stable human, and poses a threat to society.
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Shadi Hamid
Last but not least is Shadi Hamid after his pathetic display of tweeting the other night.
Not the best tweet, but whatever. His premise isn't entirely incorrect. Annoying isn't the right word, but the way we live and die through sports is admittedly kind of strange, and probably unhealthy in a lot of cases. Fan is short for fanatic after all. If he had just left it at that, then who cares. But then he had to get weird about it. After being roasted by the entire internet, he deleted his tweet like a coward.
And EVEN if he just left it at that, who cares. The real crime was how he turned the whole thing into a learning experience..
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I hate this guy. Relax man. You had a bad take. The internet is full of them. You don't get to come out of it as a better person. Imagine sitting you friends and family down for a serious discussion about a tweet. It's not that deep. You can think about what you've done in jail.