Cancel That Gym Membership Fellas, Hot Boy Summer Is Just One Amazon Purchase Away
Oh hell yeah. It's our time now boys.
No more wasting an hour walking on the treadmill and scrolling TikTok working our ass off at the gym. No more opting for bland ass rabbit food instead of delicious buffalo wings. No more intermittent fasting or Keto friendly diets. All you have to do is buy these compression boxers and you will be getting mistaken for Henry Cavill or Jason Mamoa in no time.
Woman have been wearing Spanx for years and it is now socially acceptable. But for us guys, there is no cheat code to the pressure the fashion and entertainment industry puts on us. It's honestly unfair how badly we get body-shamed. Sure, there was the short-lived dad bod phenomenon, but how many woman were actually picking up pudgy guys at the bar? The answer is none.
Girls just said that they liked dad bods because guys would flock to their post and like it by the dozens, which would give them their daily dopamine rush. The hoards of horny middle-aged guys flooding their DMs was a small price to pay for online clout.
But this? This is real. Credit to Big Cat who was way out in front of this wave.
Advertisement
I have heard him talking about it for a while but it never truly registered. If you're like me then you don't believe something is real and available until the all mighty algorithm chews it up and spits it on to my TikTok or Instagram timeline like a baby bird. And finally daddy digital blessed my with the item of clothing that will change my life.
I'm 15 pounds heavier than I should be and because of that I am doing dry January, working out every day, and trying to eat better. An absolute bullshit way to live if you ask me. Instead, I'm going to order a pair of these immediately. I mean look at this dude, he looks like a bad ass karate guy or something.
They don't even need to show his face because his body is so fucking sexy in that glorified sausage casing. You wear these to the bar and I guarantee you a certified baddie will be hounding you like you're Jeff Nadu. But even though you will have a line of ladies wanting to buy you a drink, remember to make sure you watch the bartender make it. You're a piece of meat in their eyes now and they will stop at nothing to get in your arm pit height, spandex pants.
Never mind the fact your boiler is in a packed in there like a can of sardines and once you disrobe it will probably smell like one too. And who cares that once you peel those things off a tsunami of cholesterol and high blood pressure filled flab rolls will coming flooding out. That's a problem to deal with later and by the time you're in the bedroom it's too late for her to turn back. Who's the chubby chaser now, sweetheart?
Even if you are already in a loving and committed relationship these are great. They will make you and your lady happy.
Advertisement
The reason she pressures you to get in shape isn't for your health anyway. She just wants you to not look like shit as you are following her around like a lost puppy dog at the next social event she takes you to. Your physical shortcomings are her failures in the eyes of her ever judging friends.
But that's not something you have to worry about any more. You are rolling up those magical undies and look like greek god in your new dress shirt she just bought you with her Kohl's cash. And just because you look like a penis with an awkward amount of foreskin when you get home and take that shirt off, doesn't mean she won't still be begging for your awkward penis in the bedroom. Remember, the acceptance of her friends is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.
So get yourself a pair today. It's honestly a no brainer. Work smarter not harder fellas.