Pageant Drama Reaches a Fever Pitch at Miss Universe in the Wake of Miss USA's 'Rigging' Allegations

Now that the World Cup is long since over and a New Year has begun, we can all turn our attention to an international competition that America excels at. Let's make that an intergalactic competition, since we're of course referring to the Miss Universe pageant, which is about to be underway in New Orleans.

It really is a time of national pride. The very best of the best competing. Selected from among billions. To crown tiara the one who is truly worthy of wearing the sash that marks her as the epitome of womanhood. Each represented nation gets to rally behind their champion. United in a common cause. Out to prove that they and they alone bred the ideal in female beauty. 

At least that's how it's supposed to work. It's with a heavy heart I report that we no longer live in that America. Our once-proud nation is now so polarized that even Miss USA winner R'Bonney Gabriel cannot unify us. Thanks to the scandal White Sox Dave talked about in the fall:

As a refresher, here's Miss Montana to explain:

And now as the contestants are arriving in New Orleans for the big showdown, that cloud of scandal is following our champion like a dark cloud. As the still-bitter women she bested in Miss USA refuse to rally behind her:

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Source - The controversial 2022 winner of Miss USA has touched down in New Orleans ahead of the Miss Universe pageant as she gears up to fight for the international crown, despite her fellow classmates condemning the organization for 'exploiting' them. 

R'Bonney Gabriel, 28, of Houston …has ignored the domestic competition's rigging investigation. 

[H]er Class of 2022 classmates released a joint statement, condemning the Miss Universe Organization's investigation, saying it failed to properly look into their favoritism claims. 

'It's hard to express the frustration and disrespect we, the Miss USA Class of 2022, are feeling surrounding the series of events leading up to, during, and after the 2022 Miss USA competition that revealed evidence of alleged favoritism, breaches of contract, and conflicts of interest within the system,' a statement posted to various contestants' Instagram accounts said. 

'The ongoing third party investigation by MUO's [Miss Universe Organization's] law firm Holland & Knight concluded there were no signs of "rigging" in favor of R'Bonney Gabriel. However, we have been told for months by MUO's CEO Amy Emmerich that the investigation was looking into "favoritism" and "conflicts of interest" (not "rigging") within the Miss Brand and Miss USA Organization.' 

Contestants accused Miss USA owner Crystle Stewart of preselecting Gabriel to win and said she received special treatment - such as private hair and makeup teams and working with a national sponsor ahead of the competition. 

Now, the Class of 2022 is claiming they were 'collateral damage' of the scandal-ridden organization.

This is just so disheartening, I struggle for words. I just never imagined you'd find this level of petty drama and cattiness at a beauty pageant, of all places. These are women who stand before crowds of strangers in gowns and swimsuits asking to be evaluated on the basis of who's prettiest. You'd think tthat would bring out the best in them. That they'd be the kind of people who'd support one another. It's a sad, sad day when super attractive women can't be there for one other. If our insanely hot females can't band together at a time like this, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Which is not to say these runners up who signed this joint statement are wrong. I honestly don't know. It's just that R'Bonney isn't just going up against the world, she's facing an entire universe. As the President said on another occasion when it was us against the universe, "We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests." And right now that is cheering on R'Bonney Gabriel and doing whatever it takes to see her bring home the title. 

So please, let's shelve this for the time being. We can sort it out later. Now is all about rallying behind our winner, for the sake of America. Make us proud, R'Bonney. U!S!A! U!S!A!