A Hero Mom Saved Her Daughter From Being Attacked By A Rabid Raccoon With Her Goddamn Bare Hands
I could've went with the old cliche "This Mom That Saved Her Daughter From A Rabid Raccoon Should Be Mother of the Year" headline for this blog. But the person that yoinked this video and threw it on Twitter for those sweet internet points already did that, so it didn't feel right.
Not that anything in that sentiment is wrong because this woman absolutely deserves some sort of hardware for instantly jumping into battle mode and tossing that trash panda like someone throwing a garbage bag into a dumpster. We hear about moms being able to lift cars or doing superhero feats to save their children when they are in danger, which is exactly what we have here. Anybody that would anywhere near those creepy little creatures with their striped tails and face masks bare handed without the use of a broom or a myriad of weapons that man has perfected throughout centuries of evolution is a superhero in my book.
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
If that raccoon, or any raccoon to be honest, attacked my kids they would've been screwed. That raccoon could give them rabies, eat them whole, or raise them as their own child. Anything the raccoon wanted. Not only that, but the Casa de Clem would've been the raccoon's for the taking as well. He could eat my food, watch my TV, and even blog on Barstool using my credentials. You guys definitely wouldn't notice the difference in the writing styles between me and a rabid raccoon at this rate anyway.
Speaking of that poor writing style, credit to me for not trying to insert any Rocket Raccoon jokes just because this would've been the perfect blog for them. The only reason I didn't do that however is because Robbie and I talked about Rocket and the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy on My Mom's Basement where we recap the holiday special and break down the trailer for Guardians 3 where we are convinced Rocket (amongst other Guardians) is going to die.
Obligatory raccoons scene from the wonderful movie The Great Outdoors.
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Obligatory shout out for Raccoon Boy considering Rough N Rowdy is this Friday night. Yes, THIS Friday night. Don't worry if you forget either since is the first but certainly not the last reminder you will see about it.
