An Investigation Into Who The Mystery NBA Player Was That Puked His Brains Out And Immediately Quit While Working Out With Steph Curry

David Sherman. Getty Images.

There are many aspects of Steph Curry's game that truly shock you. For some it's his insane shooting, for others it's his all time handle. I mean the guy did change how basketball is played for crying out loud, that's pretty nuts.

But there's also an underrated part of what makes Curry so devastating to defend, and anyone who has watched their favorite team try and limit Curry knows exactly what I'm talking about. The dude never gets tired. Ever. And this isn't a case of Curry standing around and saving his energy either. What makes him so terrifying is how much he moves. His off ball movement is truly elite. Based on NBA.com tracking, Curry runs about 2.63 miles every game with 1.45 of those coming on the offensive end. Having to endlessly chase him around screens wears out about 98% of NBA defenses, it's a legit weapon.

To achieve this level of conditioning, you obviously have to train your ass off. Based off what we heard from Curry's trainer, that life apparently isn't for everybody

You know what this means, it's time to put on our investigator hat and figure out who this player was that puked their brains out. I have some ideas

1. Udonis Haslem

Let's be honest, the dude is a billion years old. For some reason, he refuses to just go into coaching and instead takes up a roster spot in MIA, so I could see this. The action described in that tweet screams 42 year old living in denial. Think about your own life. I'm 35 and still think my body can do things it most certainly cannot do. I just refuse to believe I'm getting older, despite having to take my time walking down the stairs every morning because everything hurts.

That's basically Udonis Haslem. He refuses to accept that maybe it's time to hang em up, so instead, he tried to prove himself with a Curry workout only to immediately realize he made a drastic mistake. One of those situations we've all had as we get older where you think your body can handle something because you could when you were younger and then almost instantly you know it's going to be a disaster. 

2. James Harden

Another obvious choice in my opinion. He's someone who has the talent level that I feel would warrant Curry being open to working out with. We also know James Harden spends his offseason in the club getting all kinds of fucked up. Well let me ask you this, have you ever been hung over before and then tried to do some sort of physical activity? You think maybe you can sweat out the booze or something? How does that usually go for you. You immediately puke your brains out and you're mad you let some sort of overachiever Tik Tok convince you that you should be active instead of just being a giant piece of shit while you recover.

I could see this happening for James. He walks out of the club at like 4am to a text from Steph saying be at the gym at like 7am. He shows up thinking cool maybe they'll just do some shooting. The next thing he knows he's over a trash can puking up a combo of strip club wings and stripper glitter. Admit it, you can see that picture.

3. Luka Doncic

What fascinates me about Luka is that he's so unstoppable despite having the body of a blogger. Even when there are reports that he's coming into camp in great shape, he still usually looks the same. He isn't fast, he's a little chunky, and he always gets SUPER red when he runs around.

Gregory Shamus. Getty Images.

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I think we've all been around a player like that growing up. When you were in high school and you maybe had to pass your conditioning test, it's usually the kid that had those rosy cheeks that ended up puking. 

You also have to factor in that he's European and spends his time slamming beers and smoking cigs despite being in the middle of a WCF run

Given their battle in the Spring between GS/DAL, I could see Luka teaming up with Curry to help him take that next step and I can absolutely see him puking his brains out considering Luka most certainly doesn't give a shit about being in shape. Also, guess who also uses Brandon Payne as their trainer (since 2019)? Luka. 

4. Andrew Wiggins

I needed to find a Warriors teammate, and I feel like if it was someone like Draymond we would have heard about it on his podcast by now. I thought about Andre Iguodala who despite looking to be in great shape, he falls into that Udonis Haslem category of being old as shit. 

But my choice instead is Andrew Wiggins. I'm assuming this workout took place this offseason, and as we know Andrew Wiggins spend basically all summer being wildly fucked up (and rightfully so after his Finals showing)

Does that look like a guy who was ready for some serious Steph Curry level conditioning work? No chance. That's a guy who is instead going to puke up all the gallons of champagne he's been drinking since winning a title.

5. Trae Young

Now this name might surprise you. If you watch Trae play, there are a lot of similarities in his game compared to Steph. Both are insane shooters, both have a great handle, and both run around a shit ton while they're on the floor. Thinking that, you would assume Trae is in really good shape, so why am I including him?

Well, just like Luka, Trae also trains with Brandon Payne. He's good enough and has a style close enough for me to assume that Payne puts Trae through similar workouts. Part of me thinks this is why that quote got put out there. That even though Trae Young is in great shape, even he couldn't handle Curry's workout. If it was someone that was out of shape, I don't think that would be a surprise or worthy of a quote. So to me it has to be someone you wouldn't even expect to be puking his guts out because Curry's conditioning workouts are on such a different level.

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All I know is we need to know who the player was. I feel confident they are someone in that list above, but you can't unleash a quote like that and then think people aren't going to dig up who it was. This is what the internet was built for. I fully expect someone out there to cross reference tweets or IG posts, look at flight patterns, all that shit. If it were me and I was the player I would get ahead of the story. Anyone who has played basketball before at pretty much any level has been in that spot at one time or another. 

So you puked a little bit, big deal.  Everyone knows Steph is a machine, so I can't imagine it would be held against you.