Thousands Of Guests Are Trapped Inside Shanghai Disneyland After A COVID Outbreak Forced The Park To Close Its Gates

China News Service. Getty Images.

BBC- Shanghai Disney has become the latest high-profile venue to shut its gates thanks to China's strict zero-Covid policy, trapping visitors inside. People have been told they will not be allowed out of the theme park until they can show a negative test. It comes after Shanghai reported 10 locally transmitted cases on Saturday.

China's controversial zero-Covid policy has already seen millions of people repeatedly locked down, sometimes in unusual locations. The sudden nature lockdowns have seen people fleeing shops - including a Shanghai branch of Swedish furniture giant Ikea - and workplaces as they try to avoid being trapped inside.

However, those awaiting their freedom at Shanghai Disney can console themselves with one positive: rides are continuing to operate for those trapped inside The Happiest Place on Earth.

Welcome to Shanghai Disneyland, where all your dreams (or nightmares) come true!

Now personally I've always loved the idea of being trapped in a public place after hours. Namely the mall because I feel like multiple TV shows and movies milked the shit out of that trope back when malls were a thing. The thought of being able to do whatever the fuck you wanted with nobody around was the best. Play basketball in the sporting goods store, get in as many arcade games without having to wait in a line, then cap things off by making yourself some Auntie Anne's pretzels. 

I can smell this gif

However that shit would probably get old around 1 AM while being stuck at Disney is SIGNIFICANTLY better than all that. The worst part about Disney, other than taking out a second mortgage to pay for everything, is all the goddamn lines. It's gotten to the point where people visiting Disney have to pay for something called the Genie+ on top of the thousands of dollars they are already plunging into their trip just so they don't spend their entire vacation waiting to ride the teacups.

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Then on top of that, they charge you money to reserve spots on individual rides so your kids don't freak the fuck out that you didn't go on Guardians and you don't jump off the Epcot sphere because you just spent 2 hours waiting for a ride that is roughly 3 minutes long!

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So if the pandemic Gods are going to trap you in the park with a fraction of the people and keep the rides going, I'm gonna chalk it up as an absolute win. You want to go on Space Mountain 1000 times? Go for it. Did you somehow miss the gigantic Star Wars Land that is acres upon acres big? You have nothing but time to visit a galaxy far, far away. Even the overpriced food Mickey slings down your throat that barely registers a 2.0 on the Balls Scale is probably going to be cheap if not free considering the gates were closed to #stopthespread.

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Being locked in a Disney park with the rides on is as close an experience you can have to being Clark Griswold at Wally World without having to keep John Candy hostage with a pistol.

THAT BEING SAID, I fully acknowledge that being stuck in a park due to a plague isn't exactly ideal and Disney visitors are most likely not the type of people you'd want to be quarantined with. I imagine that remains true whether you are at Disney World, Disneyland, Disneyland Paris, Disney Shanghai, and whatever other kingdoms The Mouse has conquered. I don't know if the visitors of Shanghai Disneyland wear fanny packs and can suck down an entire oversized turkey leg like a cartoon character. But I guarantee the Disney tourist riff raff around the world suck all the same even before you lump in the weirdo Disney adults whose entire lives revolve around an amusement park and fictional characters in suits and that nobody will have showered for days by the time you get out.

So I'll acknowledge that being stuck in a Disney park would be pretty fucking sweet for a day, maybe two. But once you ride Space Mountain 10 times and ensure your kids will NEVER ask to come back, I'm pretty sure drowning yourself in the shallow manmade river of It's A Small World as people from all over the world creepily sing their demonic song will feel like sweet relief instead of being forced to spend one more second in The Happiest Prison On Earth.

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