Join The #StompTeam In Our War Against The Invasive Latternfly
So I have been noticing these hoppy bugs all over my small backyard that have been getting in my apartment and leaving sticky shit around. They were pissing me off but I always thought they were just some seasonal bug that had just showed up. Turns out I was wrong and they are an invading army of bugs from Asia. My backyard is now filled with them and at this point I was called to duty by my government to rid the land of these hostile invaders. Like my forefathers before me who were beckoned by Uncle Sam to fight, I was enlisted by a sign on a bus.
I am now part of the #stompteam. I will be killing these Lantern Bugs as much as I can and so should you. I will be killing the shit out of these things as much as I can. Not only will I be swatting and stomping the shit out of them I am going to release my insectivorous hedgehog on these things. If you haven't seen my hedgehog his day job is to pick an NFL game once in a while but he is also a well trained attack hedgehog that is one more bite away from being euthanized by authorities. This vicious prickly beast will be a secret weapon in the war against these lantern flies.
If you do not think these Lantern Flies are truly a threat to your way of life you are wrong. Fall is around the corner and what do basic bitches and bros like to do? Apple Picking. You know what these demon flies do? Fuck with apples.
The Spotted Lanternfly is an invasive insect species spreading across the United States that can damage fruit trees—particularly apples and grapes—in addition to other plants. As of March 2020, the York Dispatch reported that lanternflies have been found in York County, especially in Hellam and West Manchester townships.
Many suggestions are flooding in on what to do with these invaders and ancient warfare tactics are being suggested.
Not only have I already considered this but I will kill groups of the flies and leave one to survive to run and tell its friends about the carnage. I have read Sun Tzu Art Of War and these bugs can't read so I already have a leg up on them.
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My hedgehog is chomping at the bit to get out there and chomp it up.