"I got tears. They're multiplying."... Olivia Newton-John Passed Away

This week I had 3 run-ins with the movie Grease.  I was watching some old Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes, and I saw the one where Larry goes to a middle school production of Grease with Jeff’s exterminator, played by Chris Farley’s younger brother. 

Then I woke up on Saturday and found my 12-year-old daughter was watching the 1978 film Grease... I made her turn it off.  It wasn’t for the language, because my little angel is unfortunately privy to a LOT of collateral profanity living with me.  So much so, she started a SWEAR JAR, where I get charged a buck a curse... And she is as draconian in policing my payments as Teddy KGB was with Mike in Rounders. 

The cursing isn’t the issue.  My issue was with Rizzo, played by a young slutty Stockard Channing.  My recollection is fuzzy, but I seem to recall Rizzo falling into a deep funk after getting pregnant by Kenickie post-hand jive…

"Condoms are for squares!"

… And she didn’t snap out of it until she miscarried right before the closing dance celebration at the school carnival.  

"No baby!!!"

Perhaps that's not how it happened exactly, but I still don’t need that kind of shit around my baby girl.

I bring it up because they say- "All things come in threes"… And the third Grease-related experience I had this week was the news yesterday that Olivia Newton-John passed away at the age of 73.

"Teach me Scientology, Danny!"

I know this news does not resonate with most of the Barstool audience. Still, I was 7 or 8 when Grease first came out, and (unlike the aforementioned slutty Rizzo) Olivia's turn as Sandy Olsson defined the term "girl next door"… A title that used to represent beautiful innocence but now gets pinned to actresses and singers who will inevitably have Pete Davidson's filthy fingers jammed inside of them.

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And for people who don't like all this talk about "natural innocence", Olivia leaves behind one child… A daughter named Chloe Lattanzi who is probably in younger wheelhouses…

Condolences to Chloe and the rest of Olivia's family.

Rest in peace, Sandy… And take a report.

-Large