Florida Man Landscapes HIS Property With His Cock Out And The Neighbors Are Being Dicks About It

Photo via WBPF

STUART, Fla. —

People who live in a Stuart neighborhood say their neighbor does yard work and walks around his property naked. They say they’ve called the sheriff's office, but deputies say, there is nothing they can do.

"I came out Sunday night to put the trash out, and I look over and he is bent over, winding up his hose, and I'm like that is my view of the neighborhood,” says Melissa Ny, a neighbor.

Concerned neighbors want to crack down on this naked truth, the man who lives at the end of their street is a nudist.

"He works on his car, and he does it naked and everyone has called the police, he is just out there doing his yard work, whatever he needs to do outside, naked," says Ny.

Nude yard work? Neighbors can't bear it.

Several people in the neighborhood have called the Martin County Sheriff's office, but say deputies tell them as long as he isn't touching himself inappropriately, there is nothing they can do since he is on his own property.

"I have seen these people stand on their front step, buck naked, both of them, and talk to a police officer, sheriff department. The sheriff's department told me to turn my head," says Estes.

This kinda thing is always tricky. On one hand, I believe that you should be able to do whatever you want on your own property so long as you dont violate the life, liberty, or safety of those around you. So why is this tricky? Well, when it comes to having your dick out in your neighborhood, there are basically two schools of thought. 

1. It's your yard. Take care of it in the attire of your choice even if that choice is nothing at all. 

2. Gross, you fucking pervert. There are kids around. 

The truth lies somewhere in the middle. 

For me, I think all nude goofin must be done in the backyard. And I'll tell ya why. Look up at that picture again. I dont know if you can tell or not but that's a hairy asshole. A full hairy asshole from a man is one of the most terrifying sights on this planet if you aren't ready. Give me a few minutes and I'll stare into an asshole like it was the sun and I'm President Trump during that eclipse. 

But, if I'm not expecting it, that would throw me off my course for the rest of the day like I was Biden on a bike. 

And that's exactly the type of issue that one of the neighbors pointed to when addressing the problems. 

"I came out Sunday night to put the trash out, and I look over and he is bent over, winding up his hose, and I'm like that is my view of the neighborhood,” says Melissa Ny, a neighbor.

She's talkin buttholes. No one should have to go through that. It's too damn hot this year, the gas prices are too high, the rent is too high, and now the neighbor's buttholes are too fucking hairy. 

"Several people in the neighborhood have called the Martin County Sheriff's office, but say deputies tell them as long as he isn't touching himself inappropriately, there is nothing they can do since he is on his own property."

This truly might be an example where we know the reason behind the law but a man hoeing in his yard with his butthole exposed to the Lord and everyone violates the spirit of the law. Again, not a constitutional law scholar but it makes sense to me. Maybe, in the spirit of compromise, we can agree to certain times. 

I think we should put in old cell phone unlimited calling hours. Verizon policy used to be that from 9 pm to 8 am, all calls were free and you didn't get charged for minutes. Now, you can be in your yard with your dick or puss out from 9 to 8 and you won't get charged. Other than that, you're getting charged for roaming.