Advanced Analytics: Texas Football Is Confirmed #BACK And It's All Thanks To Jennifer Lopez Getting Married

Reags7/20/2022 4:20 PM

Tim Warner. Getty Images.

Ah, there it is. Two of my favorite traditions in college football. Debating if Texas is back and ridiculous stats to convince yourself this is the year. This one might be my favorite stat though. Jennifer Lopez has been married twice this millennium. Well three times now, but leading up to this wedding it was twice:

JLo got married in 2001 and 2004 previously. What did Texas do?

2001 - 11-2, won the Holiday Bowl and finished 5th in the country

2004 - 11-1, won the Rose Bowl and finished 4th in the country

Confirmed Texas back. Don't even know how you can argue it. Sure, they need to take a massive jump. Sure, they are still Texas which means they'll win a big game or get a winning streak in like late September/early October only to finish 8-4.

Let's check the Barstool Sportsbook:

Uh oh. Might have to make a responsible JLo based wager.

Hey, who knows. I really like Bijan Robinson. It's not like Texas has to play Maryland this year either. That's a loss off the board. Get Ewers out there and see what happens.

Yes, I'm well aware how dumb this is, but it's the slowest and worst day of the year. Here are the JLo pictures