World's Coolest 4-Year-Old Steals His Mom's Car and Takes it on Joyride
In the word's of Austin Powers' father Nigel, "There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch." In the normal course of things, it's hard to speak truer words. But not today. Not with the particular Dutch boy you see in his little Dutch pajamas in the arms of a Dutch policeman. We will have nothing but respect in our voices when we speak of this 4-year-old jongen.
Source - A pajama-clad 4-year-old Dutch boy has been likened to a Formula One star after taking his mom’s car for a joyride — before crashing into two parked vehicles.
The pint-size thrill-seeker woke up Saturday in Utrecht and grabbed his mother’s car keys “to go for a drive” after his dad went to work, police said on Instagram. ...
Concerned passers-by called authorities after spotting the boy wandering through the streets alone in the cold, the BBC reported.
A car was soon reported abandoned nearby after it struck two parked vehicles. Cops determined that the car was registered to the boy’s mother.
“She explained that her son was ‘highly enterprising,’” police said, according to the Guardian. ...
“She spoke to the child on the phone, and we saw him imitate a collision and make a steering movement with his hands. This made us suspect he might have been driving,” police added. ...
“At the car, we asked the child if he could show us how it worked,” Utrecht police said on Instagram.
“He opened the car, and put the key in the ignition. He started the car, moved his left foot to the clutch, and hit the accelerator,” they added.
Simply put:
Except replace "stupid" with his mother's word, "enterprising."
You can't learn this level of badassery in just four years. It has to be innate. Bred into you over the generations. He has to come from a long line of legendary men. That rare breed. He's probably descended from a long line of Nordic explorers, Viking conquerors, or Scandinavian Beserkers, who took what they wished and dared lesser men to stop them.
I mean, get a load of him taunting the cops by showing them exactly how he heisted the vehicle. He's like a Grand Theft Auto character in kiddie PJs. Giving no fucks before he's old enough to count or even knows the word. And he was driving a stick, no less! I had to re-learn working a clutch when I rented a car in Europe a few years ago, and it is no joke. But to this preschool stunt rider - this literal Baby Driver - it's … well, child's play.
The ones I pity in all this are not the parents or even the owners of the parked cars he hit. They've got insurance and will be made whole. No, my sympathies are with the kids he goes to school with someday, because they can't compete with this. He's the Alpha before he's ever even set foot in the schoolyard. The Big Toddler on Campus. What chance does anyone have to impress anyone else as long as he's ruling the playground? What, are you going to brag to the girls that you fed the dog all by yourself or how you can draw your stick figure family and your house with a curly line of smoke coming out of the chimney and the sun with a happy face? The kid sitting next to stole a car. He'll be offering to take the coolest kids in Kindergarten out for Häagen-Dazs while the lesser kids will still be trying to pencil umlauts over their vowels. The social outcasts will be handing over their milk money Euros over to him without him even having to ask. It's a shame we don't make kids like his kind anymore in this country.
All hail, the future King of the Netherlands. By the time he hits first grade, at least.