The Twitter Hysteria Over Elon Musk is Even More Entertaining Than Anything You Could've Hoped For

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I've given quite a bit of thought to my personal fascination with Elon Musk's takeover of Twitter. To be fair to myself (which I always strive to be and hope my example makes everyone else completely fair to me at all times), it is a big story. He's the world's richest man and the defending Time Person of the Year champion who just spent $44 billion on the Western world's most influential social media site. It's a story that transcends business and cuts right to the core of our culture. 

But having thought about it, I've realized my interest goes beyond the noteworthiness of an eccentric mogul buying a big tech firm. It's about a terrible character flaw of mine. Call it Schadenfreude. Call it sadistic. Call it simply mockery. But I am endlessly entertained by people's unlimited capacity to lose their shit over nothing. And the gross overreaction to Day 1 of Musk's Twitter ownership is a prime example. 

I say this as someone who gets way too emotionally invested in inconsequential nonsense. Sports. Trivia. Movie and TV franchises. I can talk about the many ways The Rise of Skywalker was idiotic until all the nutrients run out of my body and I collapse. And maybe because of that, I'm utterly fascinated by other humans getting overly worked up over something that gets no rise out of me. Women who cry watching The Bachelorette. The ones who get all indignant about some comic's joke. People who post long, usually angry, screeds on Facebook about some current event. People who argue politics or scream in the street because their candidate lost or whatever. Put me on the sidelines with a good view as the crazy parade rolls by and I can have a very enjoyable day. 

And that's what I'd hoped this Musk takeover would be. Something that would trigger the easily triggered and outrage those whose misplaced outrage is never not funny. And once again, Twitter did not let me down. 

Starting with the world's second richest guy. Who, when he's not threatening his employees and making his delivery drivers piss into bottles on their routes, is currently losing a penis rocket-measuring contest to Musk:

David Ryder. Getty Images.

NY Post - Amazon founder Jeff Bezos shared a conspiracy that Elon Musk’s takeover of Twitter could empower China — just to later admit it was “probably” unfounded.

The Washington Post owner took aim at the only person in the world richer than him soon after Musk called his new $44 billion purchase “the digital town square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated.”

“Interesting question. Did the Chinese government just gain a bit of leverage over the town square?” Bezos asked late Monday. …

Twitter is blocked in China.

I love it. Enough that I'll even overlook Bezos going straight to the Lazy Tycoon's default setting of this being all a Chinese Communist Party plot to conquer the free world. Because this is some real Evil Businessman-on-Evil Businessman crime. Like Lex Luthor going to war with Carmine Falcone. But Musk's new employees themselves are going a step further:

Daily Mail - Twitter has blocked its developers from making changes to the app to prevent it being sabotaged by left-wing staff angry at Elon Musk's $44billion takeover  … [H]is critics claim he will allow 'hate to flourish'. 

Twitter has now banned any product updates that are not 'business-critical' … and comes after employees dismissed Musk as 'dangerous to democracy'. …

California-based employees bombarded the site and internal message boards with attacks on Musk, and raised fears they would now be forced to stop working from home under the new regime. 

Among those whining about the takeover was software engineer Addison Howenstine, who tweeted using asterisks to make the post harder to search for. 

He wrote: 'POV: You asked me why Eln Msk is buying 9.2% of Tw*tter and getting a board seat is bad and I'm explaining why this was clearly not his end goal and things will certainly get worse and potentially be dangerous for democracy and global affairs.' …

Geraint Davies, a senior staff video engineer for Twitter, wrote: 'Anyone in need of a software engineer with 40 years of experience? Asking for a friend.'

Twitter engineer Jay Holler wrote: 'For the first time, Twitter leadership includes someone that I had proactively Blocked on this platform.'

But even panic from the ingrates who never missed a paycheck during the shutdown and still haven't gone back into the office after two years has nothing on the old media. Including those who think Musk will try to swing elections. Like news outlets haven't been doing that since George Washington retired from office.

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I won't wade any deeper into the political waters on this. Not when there are celebrities to ridicule. A whole host of them. From backgrounds as diverse as the smokeshow from The Good Place:

To Mankind himself, whom I last saw at a ComicCon in 2017:

Though to be honest, Jameela Jamil and Mick Foley are the rare exceptions. The vast majority of our entertainment community are not threatening to leave. The sweet, intoxicating fix of being able to express their righteous indignation and signal their virtue is too powerful and opiate to wean off of. So right now, it's all about furrowing brows, waving fingers at Musk and warning him he better mind his Ps & Qs when it comes to all this irresponsible "free expression of ideas" gobbledygook:

More Daily Mail - All In The Family star Rob Reiner, star of 1970s sitcom All In The Family, said he was troubled by the possible return to Twitter of Donald Trump under Musk's leadership. 

'Now that Elon Musk is buying Twitter, the question for all of us is: Will he allow a Criminal who used this platform to lie and spread disinformation to try to overthrow the US Government to return and continue his Criminal activity?

'And if he does, how do we combat it?' …

Actress turned activist Mia Farrow tweeted: 'Well if Twitter becomes even more toxic- with Trumpy-treasonous lies & all the hatred- it will be taken less seriously, and people like me will quit - for peace of mind'. … 

Star Trek actor George Takei also voiced his fears over Musk. …

'Should this place become more toxic, I pledge to strive even harder to lift up reason, science, compassion and the rule of law. The struggle against fascism, misinformation, and hate requires tough fighters. 

'I hope you stay in the fight, right beside me.'

So if three celebrities over the age of 70 whose careers peaked in the 20th century aren't making a huge demonstration of leaving Twitter, no one is leaving Twitter. There is nothing famous people who object to Musk's vision of a free speech platform would love to do more than demonstrably throw their scarfs over their shoulder, yell "Good day to you, sir!" and slam the door on their way out in order to prove how strongly they're against reading opinions contrary to theirs on social media. And do it right now. The fact that all Musk has gotten in terms of opposition is some code writers talking about finding other work and a few aging celebrities with half the following of your average 20-year-old TikTok dancer expressing concern pretty much confirms what he knew when he decided to make this purchase.

He's got the internet by the balls. He wants Twitter wide open for honest conversations. And he's got 44 billion fucks not to give as he makes it happen. 

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Let the games begin.