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Utah College Offers A Course Where Students Will Watch, Breakdown, And ANALyze Porn Like Mel Kiper Does The NFL Draft

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SALT LAKE CITY — A Utah college is offering a course that will evaluate and discuss different aspects of pornographic films.

"Hard core pornography is as American as apple pie and more popular that Sunday night football," the course description states in part.

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Westminster College is a private liberal arts college located in Salt Lake City and is offering the class as a two credit elective. A professor from the college told FOX 13 News the course runs from May 9 to June 4.

"Our approach to this billion-dollar industry is as both a cultural phenomenon that reflects and reinforces sexual inequalities," the course description explains.

The course description says that students in the class will be watching and analyzing pornographic films.

"We will watch pornographic films together and discuss the sexualization of race, class and gender as an experimental, radical art form," it states.

 I guess this ain't the Utah that we've come to know and ignore. This is a whole new Utah that is asking the hard questions. Questions like:

1. Why can't my girlfriend squirt? All the girls in porn squirting videos can.
2. Why isn't my boyfriend enjoying doing me? Is it because I'm not as sexy as the girls on OnlyFans?
3. Why isn't my girlfriend moaning as loud as the girls in porn videos? Am I doing something wrong?

My goodness. People shouldn't be going through life with that kind of uncertainty. 

In walks Westminister College in Utah. 

At this institution of higher learning, they are ready to watch some full-frontal nudity mixed in with a little face riding, anal gliding, and getting-stuck-in-the-dryer goodness. Helping your students succeed is one of the main roles of academia. If you cant see that the trend on the internet is to expose your most intimate parts, you have no business teaching anything. The internet has and will always enjoy tits, dicks, and vaginas. It's as simple as that, folks. Ignoring that very basic tenet of internet life is a grave mistake. 

Hell, all you gotta do to know that this is a worthwhile class is take a look around. Everywhere you look, people are selling access to their assholes, feet, dirty underwear, farts, and a litany of other unmentionables. People are slinging jars of farts to the point that the suppliers of those farts are ending up in the hospital with a belly full of semi-digested beans and broccoli florets. If you're a college, it's your responsibility to instruct young people on how to capitalize on this new trend. Beans and broccoli be damned. We need to excel in this industry and do to that safely. After all, safety is paramount on the porn floor. 

There should be OnlyFans101 and OnlyFans202. We should have CakeFarts304 and SquirtPee102. There should be classes about the legality of the word Step Mom and if Property Managers are really allowed to negotiate your mouth in contracts. I dont think they can do that but it would be nice to know and see it in writing from actual experts. Reddit is torn on the subject and frankly, I'm just sick of researching it myself. 

That being said, I'm not sure I would watch porn with my entire class. I have such a fear of having a full-blown boner in public that I would simply puke on my own dick at 0800 on MWF or T/TH. I can't do it. With my IBS and the things that come with it, diarrhea mainly, I simply cannot risk having to leave class early in order to shit with a boner. I'm a confident man but a poop boner would be the end of me. It's really that simple. 

So, Westminister College, I will take the class if you offer it virtually. Other than that, I, and dozens like me, will continue our research on our own. 

You have one day. 

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