Sean Penn Says He's 'Thinking About Taking Up Arms Against Russia'

BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI. Getty Images.

By now, Vladimir Putin is all too aware of the damage he's done to himself and his nation by his decision to launch that attack on Ukraine 48 days ago. His military is paying a heavy price in blood and treasure. International sanctions are damaging Russia's economy. He's become a pariah on the international stage. He's been called a war criminal, which will make a negotiated, peaceful settlement hard if not impossible to achieve. And his world standing may never recover. 

But I'll bet even ol' Vlad the Invader doesn't realize how close he came to bringing Armageddon down upon himself. Because it wasn't that long ago that one of the finest actors of his generation was putting gas into his luxury car in one of the most exclusive neighborhoods in North America, and almost joined this fight. 

Source - Actor Sean Penn is continuing to voice his support for Ukraine amid Russia’s unprovoked invasion of the country. …

After spending some time on the ground in Kyiv, the actor told Hollywood Authentic magazine that he recently thought about taking up arms against Russia.

“If you’ve been in Ukraine [fighting] has to cross your mind,” Penn said in the interview published Saturday.

“And you kind of think what century is this? Because I was at the gas station in Brentwood the other day and I’m now thinking about taking up arms against Russia? What the f— is going on?”

Penn continued: “The only possible reason for me staying in Ukraine longer last time would’ve been for me to be holding a rifle, probably without body armor, because as a foreigner, you would want to give that body armor to one of the civilian fighters who doesn’t have it or to a fighter with more skills than I have, or to a younger man or woman who could fight for longer or whatever.”

Holy cats, Putin really dodged a bullet on this one. He's lucky Sean Penn changed his mind once his tank was topped off or got distracted by the weird, exclusive little newscast they have playing next to the pumps. Because if this chain-smoking, 61 year old One Man Army got into the fray, it would've been game over, man. GAME. OVER. He didn't spend time playing other people in epic military dramas like Taps, Casualties of War, The Thin Red Line and Pauly Shore is Dead without mastering the art of real combat. Not to mention all the combat experience he got fighting with 105 pound paparazzi back when he was dating Madonna.

And as a documentarian himself, he's seen war up close. So he knows the sad reality, that wars are fought by sexagenarian filmmakers and multiple Oscar nominees. So I'm sure it took all his resolve to keep himself from hopping the first flight from LAX to Kyiv, grabbing the biggest machine gun he could get ahold of, strapping a couple of bandoliers across his mighty chest Rambo-style, wading into the waist-deep gore, and bringing the Russian bear to its fuzzy knees. 

All seriousness aside, I can appreciate that a guy like Penn does leave the comfort of his luxurious LA life to visit the war-ravaged places on Earth and use his movie-making skills to tell the real stories of the people and what they're experiencing. It's genuinely noble. And I respect he'll go on shows where the hosts have opposing views of his, like Hannity. But when you talk like this, it undermines everything you're doing. Not to mention it's the height of hypocrisy to come home and talk about how you're wishing you were in the fight while you're pumping 93 octane into your Mercedes. And anyone who isn't a raging narcissist would know it's best to just say nothing instead of talking tough to the ironically named Hollywood Authentic. 

But it proves what I think most of us suspected all along. That nobody in Hollywood takes themselves more overly seriously than Sean Penn does. By example, this story Trey Parker and Matt Stone tell about him sending an angry letter about appearing in puppet form in Team America: World Police. 

Advertisement

Whenever I hear these guys getting all self-serious, I'm always reminded of the interview Kurt Russell - maybe my favorite celebrity - gave, where he talked about actors injecting themselves into world politics

"As far as I’m concerned," Russell said, "You should step away from saying anything so that you can still be seen by the audience in any character. There’s no reason entertainers can’t learn just as much as anybody else about a subject, whatever it is. But I think that what’s sad about it is that they lose their status as a court jester. And I’m a court jester. That’s what I was born to do."

I wish they all had the same sense Russell does. And Snake Plissken would actually beat Putin if he got into the fray.