The Mets Are 10000000% Confirmed Winning The World Series After Last Night's Final Jeopardy
Mike Janela you beautiful son of a bitch! Sure the Mets may have lost the best pitcher in baseball for at least a month, their centerfielder just got a cortisone shot in his neck, and were in their second rain delay of Opening Day before a player had even taken the field. The Baseball Gods have taken great pleasure in fucking the Mets and their fans, which is something we've known forever.
But last night night Jeopardy Mike fought back by believing in front of a live studio audience like all of us idiot Mets fans do every Spring. That's not really the story, since people have been writing quirky stuff in Final Jeopardy dating back to when Alex Trebek was rocking a perm. However, Mike sacrificing seven measly Jeopardy dollars in a game he had already lost on an episode that SOMEHOW aired the same day as this weird lockout-delayed Opening Day is the moment when we all learned a Mets World Series in 2022 was not only possible but instead destiny.
Then we will remember that mere hours earlier, we wiped away all the bad juju surrounding the Mets by having KFC cum himself then jump off a bridge, smashing a Luis Castillo bobblehead, and baptizing ourselves with the refreshing nectar of the Gods straight from the Rockies.
Followed by the Mets doing what they always do, which is take home a W on Opening Day thanks to Tylor Megill AKA Cylor Megill AKA Baby deGrom AKA Big Drip.
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I cannot wait to go to the parade. All the cake, punch, and Coors Light you can handle will be served responsibly!
For anybody that missed the Opening Day Gala with our pal Darren from The 7 Line, make sure to check it out here before we get our first taste of Scherzday.