Merriam-Webster Wants To Make Sure We All Know What "Key Bumps" Are
Merriam-Webster, teaching us something new every day! I've been confused for YEARS about what these "key bumps" were. I've always assumed it was something along the lines of a handshake, or congratulatory moment shared between two people who happen to meet in an intimate setting? Considering the only time I hear about "key bumps" are at clubs and in bathrooms, when I see hands brushing against each other under stalls (great work on that pee! key bump!) or smoothly on the dance floor (nice moves! key bump!), I just always assumed it was a mutual celebration. It could've always been two people, pulling out their own home keys, simply proud of the fact they have a home! Like a "cheers," but with our keys. Key bump! We're rocking it! Not homeless!
I sailed along in life, thinking I knew everything about these club/bathroom key bump moments, until...I started hearing it more often? In my friends' apartments? Walking along the streets between nightly locales? At work (after hours for joke reasons)? Something wasn't quite right in my line of thinking. I'm always at my friends' apartments, but we're not ALWAYS celebrating! Work is going great, but is it so good for everyone else that we're ringing the bell on a semi daily basis? They've got THAT MUCH to celebrate? I started to think, I might have to get in on these key bumps. They seem to be the... key to it all.
Come to think of it, there was that one time I saw someone talking about key bumps who didn't seem to be celebrating. I only say that, because how could you possibly celebrate with a bloody nose? He hadn't even been hit in the face! Are nosebleeds cool now? What about twitching and excessive talking with clear cotton mouth? All I know, is that this guy was the life of the party. Everyone wanted to hang out with him. They even wanted to hang out with him in the bathroom, which, as I mentioned, is the most popular key bump celebration spot!
Finally I know the truth. A huge thanks to Merriam-Webster for putting all these silly rumors to rest. I'm not totally wrong though...have you ever heard of a good celebration WITHOUT "small quantities of illicit drugs inhaled in powder form"? I sure haven't!
