The World Slapping Champion Accuses Will Smith of Hitting Chris Rock 'Like a Girl'
In the three days since Will Smith left his fresh prints of left ear upside Chris Rock's head, the matter has been debated from every conceivable angle. From bad puns (I raise my hand) to memes. From the aspect of toxic masculinity to what it says about our culture. From race to gender politics. From celebrity worship to mental heath. Of course (and I am not kidding) how the blame ultimately falls on Trump. To investigative journalism into Smith's slapping history:
But the one perspective we have not gotten is the one from the experts. No one has yet gone to the world's foremost authorities on the noble art of slapping another man across the face to get their take. Until now.
Meet the go-to guy for information on this topic, Slapping Champion Vasily "Dumpling" Kamotskiy of Russia:
The Russian Times has done their part to put the blow across Chris Rock's puss in perspective by tracking down Kamotskiy and getting his informed, expert opinion on the quality of the slap. And if Smith thought he suffered an indignity from a mild GI Jane joke, he's in for a world of pain when he reads this hot take:
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Source - [O]ne man distinctly unimpressed was Russian behemoth Kamotskiy.
The Siberian giant is someone who knows more than a thing or two about delivering the kind of strike that Smith unleashed on stage, albeit in a competition setting.
Kamotskiy’s slapping prowess saw him propelled to global renown in 2019 when he won the Male Slapping Championships in Krasnoyarsk. …
“It was a weak blow, he didn’t put his body into it,” scorned Kamotskiy to Sports.ru.
“And he struck from top to bottom, you need to strike from the bottom up, or at least from the side. In general, he hit like a girl. Just like they hit in all [American] movies.” …
Meanwhile, slapping events have gone from strength to strength, with the Slap Fighting Championship promoted by the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Logan Paul even offering to put on an official bout between Smith and Rock to settle their differences.
Well there you have it. The Dumpling has spoken. The toughest slapper in the world has evaluated the smack and found not only it lacking, but questioned the manhood of the entire American entertainment industry. The gauntlet has been thrown down. Smith and Rock have no choice but to climb into the squared circle and have it out, palm vs. palm. The dignity of all our actors is at stake here. Until we prove to Russia we can slap as well as their best, we'll never have any respect on the world stage. Kamotskiy has challenged our masculinity and the SFC has challenged Smith and Rock to settle this like men. To back down now would be the real humiliating slap in the face.
Until we as a people can smack our opponents at the level of Kurt Russell against Bill Bob Thornton in Tombstone - the most emasculating bitch slap in film history - we are no longer a world power.
So let's get this fight scheduled before we sacrifice any more of our pride. Do it for America.