How Volodymyr Zelenskyy Went From DWTS to RomComs to Kids Movies to Becoming the World's Most Respected Leader
Uncredited. Shutterstock Images.If there's one thing all humans need to learn to do when the bullets start flying for real in any armed conflict, is to believe none of what we're told. Initial reports always turn out to be wrong to some extent or another. Perspective gets lost in the Fog of War. Nuance gets trampled by sensationalism. Narratives get promoted by all sides that turn out to be dead wrong through the prism of history. I'm sure to some extent, even our nation's Storage Wars and Parking Wars lied to us.
So it's important to resist jumping to conclusions about how the war in Ukraine is unfolding. Take for example this report, that the 13 intrepid souls on the island who were ordered to surrender did not have "Russian warship: Go fuck yourself" as their last words as we were told. That they are, in fact, still alive:
And while we'd all love to believe these latest numbers coming from the Ukrainian government:
… we need to resist the temptation. As 18th century lexicographer Samuel Johnson put it, "Among the calamities of War may be justly numbered the diminution of the love of truth, by the falsehoods which interest dictates and credulity encourages."
That said, if there's one thing the entire Free World can all agree on, it's that Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy is an international superstar. If you subscribe to the Great Man Theory of history - which I happen to - you believe that world events have always been shaped by individuals of superior courage, intelligence and leadership. And that history has a way of delivering them in exactly the right place at the right time. And unless the way things are being reported out of Ukraine are way, way off the mark, Zelensky is just such a Great Man. Standing his ground. Defying requests that he flee for his own safety. Rallying his people. Inspiring his troops. Leading counter attacks. And possibly making this invasion too costly for Russia to continue.
And when you look at Zelenskyy's pre-political background, it makes perfect sense:
Independent - He went from being a comedian and playing the fictional president on a TV show to being the actual leader of Ukraine and defending his country against Russia.
Zelenskyy graduated from university with a law degree but became involved in the theatre while studying.
In 2005, when he was 27, Zelenskyy starred in the lead role of D’Artagnan in a musical-comedy TV movie of The Three Musketeers, which he also wrote. Zelenskyy’s version of Alexandre Dumas’s classic story saw D’Artagnan go to Paris to join de Treville’s regiment, only to find out that the regiment was female and all the musketeers were women.
The following year, he was the champion of Ukraine’s version of Dancing with the Stars. A video of him performing on the show has gone viral.
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He also co-wrote and starred in a film called No Love in the City, in which three Russian expats who “are loving life and seducing women in New York City” meet up with Saint Valentine in disguise and “he curses them with impotence until they learn about true love”. There were two sequels and a TV series, in which Zelenskyy also starred.
Zelenskyy wrote and starred in another romcom called Office Romance. Present Day as a city worker called Anatoly Novoseltsev. The logline for the movie reads: “Meet Liudmila Kalugina. She’s a young businesswoman, CEO of her own company, though not liked by her dependents and sparing no time for a personal life. Everything changes when she gets to know Anatoly Novoseltsev, a financial analyst and a single father of two daughters. Will an office romance bloom from that?”
In 2012, he appeared in a war comedy, Corporal vs Napoleon, about the Russians trying to beat Napoleon by sending a beautiful woman to seduce him so he will “think about making love, not war”. …
He also voiced Paddington in the Ukrainian version of the hit children’s film.
Undoubtedly, I'll get some pushback for saying this from those who just lived through four years of a Reality TV show host in possession of the Nuclear Football, but we need a leader with a resume like this. There's a hell of a difference between sitting in a fake boardroom judging the way Dee Snider and Gary Busey sold sidewalk hot dogs and being the creative mind behind such projects as a movie about horny Russians in New York and trying to defeat Napoleon in 1812 by getting him laid. A guy versatile enough to give Dumas the female reboot treatment, do the Paso Doble to mediocre knock off versions of American pop songs, and voice a beloved children's classic is a guy smart enough to handle the economy, foreign affairs and Covid any day.
So he's exactly the kind of leader we need. Someone who can successfully write comedy that appeals to a wide audience is, but their very nature, someone who understands the human experience. Who can relate to their constituents. Understand their interests, their needs and the things that motivate them. A hell of lot more than the sorts of self-possessed douchebags who get Political Science degrees or study at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard. When I'm looking for a leader who can relate to the working person, give me someone who's written a workplace sitcom any day. You say you want someone who understands the issues that are important to women? Who could be better than someone who can hold their attention in the Ukrainian version of a Hallmark Christmas movie?
Not to mention someone who's been out there in the real world, scratching and clawing to make it in show business. Anyone who's had to audition for roles, get their scripts read, fight to get their vision on the screen, deal with deranged actors and crooked agents and evil studios and corrupt film unions and been as successful as him is someone you do not want to mess with. Which hopefully Putin is finding out first hand. I wish we could elect Zelenskyy here, but unfortunately the Constitution doesn't allow it. Fortunately, history had the good sense to put him right where he's needed at the exact time he's needed most.