Drive to the 405: Day 5 Diary Of Life On The Road By Billy Football (edited by PFT)
Editors note: this will be the last installment of the Billy Blogs America series on our Drive to California. You can find the other blogs HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE. As always, my notations will be added in bold italics. For the record Billy was sitting by the pool just hanging out until about a hour ago when I asked him when this blog was coming out he said he was "currently working on it". Note his laptop was closed and sitting next to him at the time.
So here we are. My guess is that after arriving in LA the quality of Billys writing will improve since he's finally well rested
Yeah, I woke up in America. O you want a scene cus I rolled up in America?! This America.
- I tried writing last night after posting this tweet and imbibing in Coors light. I woke up this morning and this sentence was all that I had written
Trying to envision the scenario that led Billy to jot down this quick note. It looks like something a British teen would say if they came to America, on vacationand got a DUI on a horse
We started our day by waking up in Winslow, Arizona, and drove immediately to the corner.
(Im standing on a different level from everyone else. Also the statue is 7 feet tall)My favorite part of the famous corner is that they put the couple in the window implying that the song ended with them banging.
The corner made the town worth it. The driving this day was the best of the whole trip. It was the open road, big western sky, and pristine 60-70 degree weather. The western sky is so huge.
Advertisement
The country was entrancing. (I feel like "entrancing" is the most not-a-word sounding like word in the English language.)You could imagine why so many people think they see UFOs because the sky is huge. We ended up going to the largest well-preserved meteor crater in the world.
It was an awesome hole and there was a bunch of lowkey thicc aliens running around. (There was a statue of a alien, and the alien walked upright on what appeared to be a regular butt. I've learned on this trip that if Billy sees someone who physically has a buttcheek that poop comes out next to, he will say "you know (xxxx name) is sneaky thicc)Jackalopes and astronauts. None of this makes sense but (I don't know much about writing but Im fairly confident that if you start a sentence with these words you can probably delete the rest of the paragraph.) if you have been to the meteor crater it will make sense. Maybe the miles of road will start to make sense. The meteor doesn't make sense.
(I sneaky have a great idea for an app. Its just twitter but it prefaces every tweet Billy writes with 'none of this makes sense but')
I wonder who the first person who ever saw it thought it was. I mean if you throw a rock at the ground it makes a mini crater, they probably thought a giant threw a rock at the ground. That part of the country makes you think a lot about not only the sky but the universe. I mean that open sky is so impressive.
Wish I could spend some more time in the New Mexico-Arizona area. Epstein had a ranch out there, wanted to create a literal eugenics human farm using his DNA. ("I can see why Epstein loved this place" is probably the least persuasive endorsement of a place imaginable. After spending the last 5 days trapped in a car with Billy I also think its possible that when he refers to Epsteins DNA program he's doing it because he thinks its kind of cool in an abstract mad-scientist way, not as like a negative or anything.)
Advertisement
I am absolutely a shell of a human right now. I am currently writing this by the pool in the Hotel in LA. The Adrenaline from the trip has worn off and I am sweating bullets which I think is withdrawal from all the Lion's Mane I was taking (It could be a withdrawal from either the one lions mane supplement pill he took 36 hours ago, or the 23 beers he drank last night. We will never know the true culprit I suppose). We had some bomb burritos in flagstaff which would be awesome to eat right now.
(The burrito was seriously life changing. Im thinking about it all day) This was the part of the trip where it was under 6 hours to the destination so the finish line started to near.
It's funny to think that a 6-hour drive would make someone think "We are close!" but it's all relative.
Advertisement
We spent most of our time in Arizona listening to music that would hopefully match the aspiring surroundings (honestly not sure what billy was going for here using "aspiring". My guess is "awesome." I think sometimes Billy runs out of synonyms for "cool" and then he just writes the nearest big word he can find inside his brain and hope it works out.) . Thus my Viking Metal/EDM lifting playlist was absolutely appropriate.
This song is literally about a bunch of dudes digging a hole. Just guys being dudes digging a gigantic hole. It embodies the spirit of guys just getting together to accomplish something. (Its about guys digging a hole while being guys digging a hole. And honestly,, it kind of rocks)
It's innate nature to just dig a hole at the beach. Where does that come from? What evolutionary advantage did dudes just want to dig holes together? (Low man wins. Pretty simple)
Then we hit California where we decided to go tarps of as a rally move to keep the vibes high.
Advertisement
Our vibes on the ride were great the whole way. It was going so well that I was concerned the vibes might drop off at the end, so I didn't even want to mention how awesome the vibes have been. It would jinx the vibes. (I think that Billy could write an entire sentence using only the word "vibes" and it would somehow still make sense given his inflection)
We had another fan scope us out on the way. When they pulled up I sorta thought they were flipping us off and driving aggressively, but they were just trying to get us to see their sign and wave at us. Look it had been a super long time on the road I was a bit testy.
After hitting our first traffic of the whole trip. We ended up chilling at a standstill on the outskirts of LA. The whole place just looked like GTA V and I am not going to say I very easily could have snapped and gone 5 stars mode to skip all the traffic but I had thoughts. (I love that he sees Los Angeles and he's like this place reminds me of GTA. I hope Billy one day has a kid and he trys to teach him to play football and his son is like "this is like Madden."
I wish we had more content from the end of the trip to show you guys but I was so beat (had to go drink 20 more beers). We recorded the pod and then I just started slamming Coors lights. There was just so much pent up adrenaline and caffeine (it wouldn't be a billy blog unless there was no ending to it. Leave the audience wanting more Billy you are a sneaky genius and I enjoyed our time on the road together)