One Of The Best Parts Of Being A Dude Is Having A "Guy"
Idk what this video has to do with the blog, but it's directionally related (I think?) so I'm rolling with it. Also these commercials were just flat out hilarious... just work with me here
My title says it all. One of the very best parts of being a dude is having a "guy". Sure, men can think rationally, drive cars safely, make good money and consume alcohol without having mental breakdowns, typically, which are all great things women can't do, but there's just not much that beats having a "guy".
But WSD, wtf are you talking about? What's a guy?
Listen here you fucking bananaheads. A guy isn't just your standard, run of the mill man. It's a man who has a very unique, very special skillset not many others have. That skillset might be centered around fixing cars. Or installing illegal cable. Or hand delivering drugs. Or mounting a TV on wall studs. Ya know, the little day-to-day things in life that you can't fix or act on yourself.
Typically the best part of having a guy is that that guy almost always comes without a monetary exchange for services provided. Typically (but not always) the cost of having a guy perform his specialty is a case of beer, and preferably great tasting, less filling Miller Lite:
Not always, though. Having a "guy" comes with bylaws, too. For instance, it's a rule that one can't take advantage of their guy's skillset. Anything more than asking your guy for help more than 2x a year is WILDLY against the rules. But there's also a way to easily circumvent those rules too.
Let me explain: you might not realize it, but there's a good chance you're a "guy" too. Perhaps you have a ton of mechanical experience and your buddy from college calls you up to take a peak under his hood. You say yes, because it's against guy code to say no, but then you quickly realize you got a 3-4 hour job on your hands. In that instance, it's perfectly reasonable to ask him for a favor in exchange. For instance, maybe he's a "cabinet guy" and you're thinking of redoing your kitchen.
Boom! You fix his car, he'll fix your kitchen. Easy peasy. These guys are a necessity in life. Without guys, society ceases to exist.
You have to spread your guys far and wide, too, but embarrassingly enough, one "guy" I've never had is a "plumbing guy". I have never lived in an actual house-house on my own. Always been under the rule of landlords. Because of that, I've always had maintenance guys on retainer that are paid guys.
HOWEVER
…Sometimes that toilet water is swirling to the top of the bowl so fast you can't get your paid maintenance guy there quick enough to stop it. I've been there, you've been there, we've ALL been there. You plunge, plunge and PLUNGE that shitty yellow/brown water so hard it's splashing all over you, but you don't care. As long as it doesn't flood your apartment, you're all good. Getting shit and piss water all over your boxer briefs is the price you pay in this situation.
That's where I'm happy to announce Vindog recently stepped in as my newly anointed "plumbing guy":
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A few months back I was in this precarious position. Without getting into too many of the raunchy details, let's just say a plunger didn't suffice. I was in TROUBLE. I couldn't possibly call my building's paid guy, invite him into my apartment and have him look at the carnage that just went down in the bathroom. No way, no how. That'd be completely unbecoming. Instead, I called up Vindog. I had never held a conversation with Vindog at that time, but could tell he'd welcome my invitation to be my "plumbing guy" with open arms.
And that he did, and without hesitation. I finally got all of that piss, shit and toilet paper into the sewage system after he walked me through the process step by step. He saved the people below me from getting rained on by Los Tres Panchos waste water from the night before.
I love you, Vindog. What a great guy you are. If you ever need a hookup on White Sox tickets, I'm your guy. Perhaps for the Boston series this summer?
PS - who knew Kate takes monster dumps? Didn't really see that coming. Everyone else makes complete sense though.