Lighten the Fuck Up! Jacqueline Spent $10,000 on a Facelift...
mammuth. Getty Images.Jacqueline was a very attractive woman but she was feeling a little insecure about the wrinkles that began appearing on her face once she turned 40. After trying to deal with the wrinkles using make-up for a few years, she decided to get a facelift on her 43rd birthday. She spent her savings, $10,000, on the best cosmetic surgeon and when all the bandages were finally removed weeks later, she had absolutely no wrinkles and felt years younger.
On her way home from the hospital, she decided to celebrate by stopping at her favorite dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she approached the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
Without hesitation, the clerk replied, "About 30-32…"
"I'm actually 43!" Jacqueline admitted excitedly. She was beginning to feel really good about her decision to have a facelift.
After leaving the dress shop she went into Wendy's for a late lunch and before she left the counter she asked the order taker, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
After staring at her face for 20 seconds he replied, "You look about 29…"
"I am actually 43!" she happily revealed, feeling really good about spending $10,000 on the facelift.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man who was waiting next to her, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
Initially, the old man seemed a bit put off by the question but after thinking for a moment he replied, "I'm 76 years old and my eyesight is going. But, when I was a young man there was one sure way of telling a woman's age that always worked for me. If you'll allow me to put my hand up your skirt I'll be able to tell your exact age, guaranteed…"
Jacqueline was intrigued and since there was no one around she decided, "What the hell?" and let the old man slip his hand up her skirt…
After feeling around for a few minutes and looking like he was trying very hard to get it right, he looked Jacqueline in the eyes, took a deep breath, and finally said, "Okay, got it, you're 43…"
Stunned, Jacqueline responded, "That's brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man came clean, "I was standing behind you at Wendy's…"
* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968
If you've enjoyed the "Lighten the Fuck Up!" blog series now you can buy the merch! Tonight you can still get 20% for "Cyber Monday" but tomorrow everything will return to regular pricing. If you've been thinking about it, don't wait, now's the time!
