I Have, Quite Literally, Never Seen A Big Boy Get On The Roof

A big boy? On the roof? Outrageous. Outlandish. It wont happen. It couldn't happen. Not today not ever. Grilling on the roof? A BIG BOY GRILLING ON THE ROOF? Now you're just trying to upset me with scenarios that couldn't play out in this or any other dimension. You mean to tell me a man so large he has genuine titties on his back is getting on the roof? Pffft. Ok buddy. Try to sell me that oceanfront property in Iowa while we're at it. I've seen a lot in my 31 years of life. I've seen Championships, technological advancements the world never saw coming, society change the name of the Berenstein Bears when no one was looking, I've seen everything the most imaginative child could fathom. But I've never, not even by accident, seen a big boy get on the roof. And I don't anticipate that changing any time soon.