The Bengals Get An A+ Grade For Drafting Kicker Evan McPherson Simply Because He Had The Most Mindblowing Highlight Of Any Draft Prospect This Year, If Not Ever

I'm not one of those people that will criticize an NFL team for drafting a kicker or prioritizing them over any of the positions on the gridiron that don't involve kicking a ball with your foot because they are usually the ones on the field while your bet or happiness for the next week sits squarely on their big toe.

However, if you make a video that causes me brain to melt, I have to not only approve the pick but give it an A+ grade, even if the team drafting you is infamous for doing dumb shit. That was the most impressive highlight I've seen out of any drafted player this year, if not ever. Better than any 40 yard dash, bench press, or videos where those guys jump out of the pool. Fuck his game film or his performance on Florida's Pro Day. All that matters to me as a scout is getting the black magic that resides in Evan McPherson's right leg. I watched that video somewhat unimpressed that he could graze the bottle by kicking an absolute rocket before seeing the cap get twisted off, which caused me to go Full Big Ben.

*Never go Full Big Ben

If you can unscrew a bottle cap from way downtown, I have no doubt you can hit a 45 yard field goal in the middle of the Ohio winter to beat the Browns.

So to sum it all up, if you want to sit atop my Big Board, all you have to do is either be a generational talent or put out a video that resembles the old Michael Vick Powerade commercial or the NFL Fantasy Files.

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Sidenote To Anyone Working In Advertising: These are the type of commercials people want to see when they are watching football. I've been doing the 12 hour couch marathon long enough to turn my brain on Rest Mode during commercial breaks and it can only be jolted out of that mode when something cool happens. So instead of throwing some of the greatest athletes the planet has ever seen in an insurance commercial with some stupid ass catchphrase, take very expensive spokesman and make him look even more like a real life superhero using the absolutely preposterous computer technology that the world has come up with in the last 20 years or so. Or just hire all the super talented people that edit Barstool Sports Advisors every week to create this magic.