VERY IMPORTANT NEWS STORY: Krispy Kreme Is Giving Away A Free Donut Every Day For The Rest Of The Year To People Who Have Gotten The COVID-19 Vaccine

Business Wire- As the U.S. continues to scale COVID-19 vaccinations, Krispy Kreme is offering sweet support to those who are protecting themselves and others by getting vaccinated: FREE doughnuts. Starting today, guests who show a valid COVID-19 vaccination card at any Krispy Kreme shop in the U.S. can receive a free iconic Original Glazed® doughnut – anytime, any day, even every day – through the remainder of 2021.

There have been a lot of crazy things that we didn't see coming over the last year but I think Krispy Kreme going into the history books as heroes is near the top of the list. They may not be remembered as the Iron Man or Captain America of vanquishing the Thanos that is the novel coronavirus. But I think it's fair to say that they are the Dr. Strange of the whole process that will move the masses to where they need to be in order to take down big bitch covid once and for all. Other companies will definitely follow suit because if you don't, you are not only an anti-vaxxer but pro-coronavirus in vaccinated people's eyes. But Krispy Kreme will be forever remembered as ones that led the charge of slinging free food down our throat for the next 9 months for the low low price of a couple pricks in the arm.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Krispy Kreme is just doing this out of the kindness of their hearts, either. They know that big boned fellas like me were recently added to the list of people eligible for the vaccine and that I will be damned if I'm only leaving a Krispy Kreme with one donut that will be eaten before I leave the store. If it was just the Olds or the Essentials getting the vaccine, Krispy Kreme knows this wouldn't impact the bottom line. But now that the Fats like myself are on the VIP list, they know we will be waiting like this on a mass of humanity while waiting for our vaccine and dreaming of our free donut for the next 9 months.

I know there are people who are convinced that Bill Gates will know their location after getting these vaccines. Well I'm here to tell you, Krispy Kreme, and everyone else that my location is already public knowledge. I will be at the closest Krispy Kreme the millisecond the Hot Donuts sign goes on. Then I'll be stopping at whatever other company is offering free food to millions of people . Then I'll be checking my stocks portfolio which will be exclusively filled with companies that make insulin because the obesity epidemic that was already raging in this country will make coronvirus' numbers seem like a walk in the park.