NYC Mayor Declares Live Entertainment is BACK! With Street Performers. In Winter. Twitter's Reaction is Brutal.

What I don't know about New York City politics could fill a library. I didn't even know who the mayor was a year ago when Covid hit. The first thing I learned about him was that his name is Bill DeBlasio. The second thing I learned is that his real name is Warren Wilhelm, Jr. And the third thing I learned is that virtually all my coworkers who live in his city despise him like ... well, like a guy who changes his name from Warren Wilhelm, Jr. to Bill DeBlasio. And the more I've learned about him during this crisis, the more I've come to despise him too. 

But I didn't think it was possible to work up the level of hatred for a politician who has no power over me and exactly zero impact on my life that I have for this comically ridiculous empty suit. I get that all big city mayors are, by definition, sketchy, corrupt deal makers sitting at the throttles of a political machine. It comes with the territory. It's the only way to get elected and run a major urban area. Hell, James Michael Curley was sent to jail during his third term as Mayor of Boston on corruption charges but was also elected governor and to Congress. Buddy Cianci from Providence went to prison for racketeering in 2002, but unquestionably made his city a better place. So you can forgive them being crooks. But phoniness on a level like DeBlasio displays here is unpardonable. 

Seriously, if he was any more tone deaf he'd need a sign language interpreter. Mayor McCheese's city lies in ruins. Lockdowns have killed it. Businesses that have been in families for generations have gone under by the hundreds and will never return. Major population centers like Times Square and Broadway are ghost towns. Parents are seeing a year of their kids' school life go to waste before their unemployed eyes. The commercial real estate market is in free fall. Taxpayers who can leave are heading south like migratory birds. Except they're not going to fly back in the spring. 

So what's a political leader to do? What's the solution that will please everyone? 

Street performers! Of course! That'll bring city back! Dancers! Musicians! Jugglers! Clowns! Mimes! That's what the people have been missing! That tangible, unmistakable thrill of seeing a man in white makeup and a beret pretending to walk into the wind or locked in an invisible glass box live and in person just can't be experienced any other way. There's no substitute for the pure excitement of standing on a street corner in Brooklyn on a 10 degree wind chill evening watching dancers like these express themselves artistically. Like the Roman emperors of old, DeBlasio offers his subjects bread and circuses. Just without the bread, because you're already put on your Covid-15 and carbs are terrible for you. 

And the people have spoken. In a response that should surprise no one except the mayor's office, New Yorkers are in no mood for this horseshit:

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So congratulations, New York. You've had it harder than anybody in the country. But now that you're getting your street performers back in 115 locations in the Five Boroughs in just a few short weeks, all your problems are solved. If there's anybody still left to go watch them.