PETA is Asking That We Stop Using Words Like 'Pig' and 'Rat' as Insults Because it's Offensive to Animals. Or Something.

I want to make fun of the PETA people, I really do. It's been a long week and I'm tired. So I'm tempted as hell to take the low-hanging fruit they never seem to stop providing, give them the quick dose of ridicule they so richly deserve, call it a day and settle down to a healthy, protein-rich dinner of tasty animal flesh and call it a day. 

But I just can't. There's something I kind of admire about these harmless crackpots. They are nothing if not persistent. They have to know they're not going to change one heart with this nonsense. That they'll get mocked by millions before they get one person to alter their language just because these pale, low energy, virtue-signalling Tofurky eaters want them to. But they will not be deterred. They set themselves up to be life's rodeo clowns and they accept it. Embrace it, even. They're like that kid in school who knows he has uncurable social cooties, so he just leans into it. Wearing weirdo clothes and drawing negative attention to himself because he knows he'll never fit in. I always appreciated those kids more than the phonies and the posers. At least they knew they were oddballs and deserved to be left alone. 

How else can you look at PETA? It's not enough for them that they stick with a reasonable stance like wiping out cruelty to animals. Or pushing for ethics when it comes to animal testing of products. Demanding better treatment of animals in zoos and aquariums. (I mean, I can't imagine anyone who saw "Blackfish" is sorry that Sea World was pressured to stop keeping orcas in captivity.) Even trying to promote vegetarianism isn't so bad, if that's your thing. I'm an omnivore and always will be. But go nuts. You do you. 

But it proves they're partly in this for the ridicule when they venture into stupidity like this. Not one animal's life is going to be made better by this. None will be spared by PETA declaring a War on Metaphors. We farm, slaughter and eat animals because they're delicious, not because they're names are synonymous with bad human traits. We call our roommates pigs when they leave the place a mess not because we're insulting a pig's IQ, but because they wallow in their own filth. The mob calls informants rats because rats are filthy animals that crawl through sewers living off garbage. Snakes have been a symbol of slithering untrustworthiness since long before the Book of Genesis. 

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So PETA knows they're not going to stop anyone from using these as comparisons. And how ridiculous it makes them sound to even bring it up. Especially at a time when most people have bigger fish to fry problems to worry about than hurting the feelings of non-verbal animals who eat their own feces. Besides, I don't hear them complaining about using positive animal metaphors. I mean, am I supposed to start telling ladies not to call me a silver fox with the heart of a lion who's a stallion in the bedroom? Not happening. I won't do that any more than I'll start worrying about hurting the feelings of a sloth or offending a rattlesnake. Or stop pointing out that PETA people are a bunch of crazy fucking loons.