Jamie Lynn Spears Says She Can't Stop Killing Her Cats (Plural) Because Her Tesla Is Too Quiet And She Runs Them Over

Oh Jamie. What's going on sweetie. You're supposed to be the Stable Spears. We can't have you being the Cat Killing Spears.

A few things to unpack here. 1, Jamie Lynn won't even tell us how many cats she's killed. Is it one? two? fifteen? We're not sure. All we know is that 2. she's killing these cats with her Tesla. Elon Musk, everyone's favorite weed smoker, has made a vehicle so silent and stealth that even a CAT can't hear it start up and begin to crush its own bones, before it wakes up from its nap on the driveway/garage floor to move out of the way. Sure, maybe Jamie Lynn could check for cats first? Maybe do a lap around the car and see if it's swarmed with peaceful napping kittens that could be in danger? But really, who has time for that. Jamie Lynn's gotta get the fuck out of the house, STAT. It's not her fault, it's Elon's. He couldn't program a noise to start when the car starts to avoid this exact situation? Are there dead cats all over the country at the hands of Teslas? Are Elon's hands covered in feline blood?

Story still developing. Although, there probably won't be any more to this story because its actually fucking stupid. Seems like Jamie Lynn's just a lazy cat killer now and I hate to say it, because Zoey 101 was fire. 

"I know you see me standin' hereeeee" - NOT Jamie Lynn's cats