Quiz: Guess Real Vince Vaughn True Detective Quotes vs Fake Ones

Alright so we’re half way through True Detective and its bad. We all know that. Some willing to admit it. Others hiding it deep down, unable to accept that their favorite TV show has flopped season 2. We’re half way through and I have a new rule I hold myself to these days where if I have to watch several hours of shitty TV straight just to get to some sort of decent TV, I’m out. Especially if we’re talking about only an 8 part mini series. So, I officially dont like this show but I will continue watching 1 man for all the wrong reasons at thats Vince Vaughn. Hes awful, but when you combine him with the writing of Pizzolatto its just multiplied by 1000. I actually feel bad for Vince. I feel like Pizzolatto took him on as his great challenge. “I’m gonna take the funny man and turn him into a bad ass gangster, just like I transformed McConaughey.” Terrible. The combo of Vaughn with the script’s one liners are actually humorous at this point. I am almost expecting him to say “Nobody makes me bleed my own blood” a la Ben Stiller soon. So 4 Chan came up with a list of all the things Frank Semyon might say in next week’s episodes. You honestly cant tell which is which. Scroll down for answers

All fake quotes from this 4chan thread

1. Never do anything out of hunger. Even eating.

2. I didn’t create the lottery, i just pick my numbers

3. Sometimes you worst self is your best self

4. You can’t stop me. You can’t even stop yourself.

5. If you want to get away, don’t fasten the seatbelts

6. I never lost a tooth. Never even had a fuckin cavity.

7. What if I’m still in that basement?” It’s all papier-mâché.

8. You can’t tap dance if you’re wearing soft shoes. That’s been the case since the dawn of time.

9. Mow the lawn. I don’t want any of these kids getting snake bitten.

10. There’s a certain stridency at work here.

11. I’m feeling a little apoplectic myself.

12. Spare me the sententious talk. It’s picayune and unctuous.

13. The things I’m planning, black rage goes a long way.

14. If you want to do something right, do it wrong

15. ‘You know the word ‘louche’? You’ve got this Roger Moore thing – Johnny Unflappable… Somebody’s pulling me out on the streets and you’re louche?!’

16. The nomenclature, Blake. It’s off. This place needs something that captures solemnity. We’re not brick and mortar anymore. We’re steel and glass.”

17. I’m so up to my neck in shit, I’m thinking about ordering a snorkel.

18. You don’t take on somebody else’s grief. I mean, they all come in with their own. Don’t you and I and every other hapless monkey on the planet?

19. The Russians are riding my ass like a pair of wet jockeys, and you’re telling me to hit the brakes?

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1. Real, 2. fake, 3. real, 4. fake, 5. fake, 6. real, 7. real, 8. fake, 9.  real, 10. real, 11. real, 12. fake, 13. real, 14. fake, 15. real, 16. fake, 17. fake, 18. real 19. fake.

PS – This is the best True Detective Season 2 joke I’ve seen so far: