Seasons Greetings! A Woman Found A Raccoon Hiding In Her Christmas Tree Which Was Followed By Complete Mayhem
Blogger's Note: Action picks up around 2:45
First of all, let me thank this woman for documenting every step of this crisis on her phone and more cameras than The Truman Show. Her level of devotion to the content game is something I have not seen since Barstool flew some fat asshole to Latvia to learn more about a 7'3" basketball player that turned out to just be a giant insurance claim.
Anyway, back to the video. This lady reacted to everything including the transition from thinking it was a cat to a squirrel to a raccoon wayyyyy to calmly for my liking. I was expecting a raccoon remix of the infamous squirrel scene from Christmas Vacation.
I don't know if this is all a hoax for clout where she has the raccoon as a pet or is a lowkey raccoon whisperer like this guy.
But I'm calling bullshit on this because I know if I saw a raccoon in my house, I would move out. That raccoon now owns my house, my Christmas tree full of breakable ornaments, and all my Christmas presents beneath it because where I'm from, we want no part of those little trash pandas with their claws and teeth no matter how cool their tails are. I'm not sure if this is actually the case, but I feel like simply looking at a raccoon means you have to get a rabies shot. There's no need to call Animal Services because I will forever be too scared there is just another giant raccoon lurking somewhere around the corner ready to pounce on my ass.
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I'm sure there is a Pro Raccoon crowd on the internet that will cry foul even though Rocket Raccoon himself hasn't been able to flip the narrative on raccoons despite being part of the most beloved rag tag superhero group in the universe. If The Guardians of the Galaxy can't change peoples' minds on raccoons, nobody can. Well maybe Pardon My Take since they briefly made Marlins Man and the pharma dickhead that raised the prices on necessary meds likable.
Anyway, this all seemingly worked out too well in the end considering this woman did everything in her power to scare the fuck out of that raccoon from having a dog ready to tear it apart to spraying it with fucking vinegar, which should be a war crime. All of this stinks of Pro Raccoon propaganda, likely engineered by PETA, from a mile away.
Speaking of Pro Raccoon propaganda, here's an obligatory nod to some of the wonderful raccoon scenes from The Great Outdoors, which I referenced yesterday since you can never give enough respect to classic John Candy movies.
Despite all this anti raccoon sentiment, Raccoon Mario is in my Top 3 favorite Mario Bros. power ups and Raccoon Boy is one of my favorite Rough N Rowdy fighters ever.
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You know what? Maybe I should give raccoons a 2nd chance because hating on creatures that love getting fat eating garbage in the middle of the night seems very hypocritical of me.