Gotta Tip Your Cap To The People Fucking Right In The Middle Of The Cannes Red Carpet

Goddamn I need to go to Cannes. I often describe Figawi as “every attractive person in New England goes to Nantucket for a few days and just gets primal, I go too. It’s lawless.” Cannes is the same only instead of every attractive person in New England it’s every attractive person in the world. All of the most beautiful people you’ve ever seen getting champagne shitfaced on yachts then fucking wherever they want. Absolutely must go one day. It’s like NeverNever Land for adults, where you get to let your Id run wild and drink and fuck and be the shitbag/party animal/horndog we pretend we’re not every waking moment. The only problem is I don’t think they’d even let me attend Cannes. Customs agents would just look at my passport, look at me, back at my passport then be like nah dude I just let Nina Agdal in. Not letting the likes of you walk on the same ground as her.

PS – You know Vinny Chase smashed on there too.