Alligator Snapping Turtle Coming In Hot!
So I just Googled these fucking monsters to make sure they’re real. They are and you wanna know the worst part? They can live to be anywhere from 80 to 120 years. So not only will they scare the living shit out of you but they’ll out live you too. This is another win for Team There Is No God. Why in the fuck would anybody with a brain or a heart or any intelligence whatsoever make it so alligator snapping turtles can live for 120 years and dogs can barely make it to 15 or 20? That’s fucked up. That’s completely backwards. If when I die I go to heaven (I’m a saint so I’m for sure going there if it exists) find out there is a God, I’m kicking him straight in his holy balls. I want him to feel his balls in his throat. Doesn’t even matter if that gets me kicked out. I’ll do it anyway. There’s no reason my childhood dog Lucky shouldn’t be chilling with me on the couch right now. She was awesome. She loved to cuddle and so do I. You know what doesn’t love cuddling I bet? Stupid alligator snapping turtles. So I guess what I’m saying is there’s no God because alligator snapping turtles live 10 times longer than my dog Lucky did. We call that science.