North Korea is Training Killer Military Dolphins

Source - New evidence suggests that North Korea is training dolphins for military use such as clearing mines and attacking enemy frogmen, according to satellite imagery.

The country appears to be training the marine mammals as part of its naval force, experts have said.

Animal pens were spotted at a naval base in Nampo, on the west coast of the country, according to satellite images obtained by the non-profit United States Naval Institute (USNI).

The Naval Marine Mammal Program dates back to at least October 2015, according to the images. The dolphin training facility was first spotted on satellite imagery in the brown waters between a shipyard and a coal loading pier, with warships nearby. ...

The US Navy pioneered the training of dolphins and other marine animals for naval purposes, such as identifying and picking up mines or expended training torpedoes from the sea floor. 

Marine mammals can also be used to attack enemy frogmen, otherwise known as military divers, and mark them for investigation and neutralisation.  

The US, with a program based in San Diego, have deployed dolphins and sea lions in Vietnam and the Persian Gulf.  

To date, only the Russian Navy, with bases in the Arctic and Black Sea, have followed suit. Russia uses Beluga Whales, dolphins and seals in their programs.  

Great. That's just great. Like things weren't already bad enough. Not only do we have to worry about whether the virus was sent here from China on purpose or whether Iran is building nukes or Russia used chemical weapons someplace. Now we've got to deal with the roguest of rogue nations is building a stockpile of weaponized dolphins. 

Just the very suggestion should be enough to give you chills. The world is 75% ocean. How can you counter a weapon that can travel anywhere across that expanse undetected. How can you stop deadly meat torpedoes? Cetacean submarines. Blue Octobers. Aquatic Mammal Special Forces. An elite squadron of bottlenosed death machines who operate only on tuna and applause from their trainers. 

And if you think these adorable critters aren't capable of it because you've been to a theme park where they did tricks and jumped through hoops, think again. Yes, they might be the trained house pet of the deep. But they are also capable of going psycho. Jessica Alba has talked about how horny the dolphin got when she was starring in "Flipper":

So they're definitely intelligent creatures with extremely discerning tastes. 

Not to mention, this very idea goes all the way back to a George C. Scott movie from the early 70s, where he taught a dolphin to speak (limited) English. Then the government strapped a mine to its head and trained it to blow stuff up.

Advertisement

So I don't know what good a trillion dollar US Navy Carrier Battle Group is going to do against a squad of highly trained, heavily armed killer dolphins. 

We have no choice but to counter this with more sea creatures. An entire army of them. Like something Aquaman would put together. Turtles. Sharks. Seahorses. Seals. (The real ones as well as the Navy Special Forces kind.) Giant squids. Whales. Anemones. Eels. Penquins. We need to train everything we can to counter this threat an close the Sea Creature Gap before it's too late. Whomever ends up being Commander-in-Chief in a couple of months, you already have your first Clear and Present Danger, and solving this crisis is Job One. Damn you, Kim Jong Un.