Absolutely Fucking Not

Zero disrespect to this thing or its family members/owners, but I don't even feel comfortable referring to such a revolting abnormality as a "thing," let alone a sentient life form that exists in the same universe and time period as me and my loved ones. I've never reported something on social media as spam so swiftly. It's like my fight-or-flight response instantaneously activated upon laying real eyes on those hollow sockets surrounded by makeshift testicular putty. But perhaps the most offensive part about that vile mutant being exploited and paraded all over the internet—instead of intravenously injected with pentobarbital—is all the people, most of whom are white women (go figure), pridefully claiming that it’s their “spirit animal.”

Absolutely fucking not. If there’s one thing that 2020 has taught us about racial inequality and discrimination, it’s that disparaging terms like "spirit animal" and "totem pole" are actually harmful slurs that degrade and mock the long-standing religious traditions of tribal people while perpetuating the negative stereotype that they are a worthless group of buffoons who deserve to be murdered en masse. 

As Paper pointed out to WAP Connoisseur, lightheartedly pretending to have a "spirit animal" when you have zero religious or biological ties to an indigenous tribe is remarkably cancelworthy and offensive, in the same vein as referring to a musician as a "god" or a video editor as a "buddha." Which brings me to my next point…

G#psy

Thinking about "complimenting" your wanderlust-stricken Caucasian cishet friend by commenting "gypsy queeeen" on her Bonnaroo Day 3 Instagram picture? Take a zillion seats, hun. That "fun little phrase" was actually granted slurhood wayyyy before you were born.  Oh wait, you think you have a "pass" to say it because a lot of your friends are Romani? Ha. Try the fuck again. 

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I'd hate to throw my own colleagues under the bus, but I'd be failing to do my job as a self-sucking signal booster if I turned a blind eye to blatant and hateful racism. 

Speaking of the rampant dehumanization of indigenous people…

S#vage

Yuppp. There's a reason why the 25th Anniversary Blu-ray edition of the G-rated Disney film Pocahontas is filled with so many bleeps. And I'd hate to turn the tables on one of Twitter's most active activists, but….

Even if Mr. Paper was simply quoting the name of a role playing computer game, the fact that he even typed it out or spent time playing/enjoying such a heinously titled game is grounds for slurmanship. 

F#male

Admittedly, I was hoping that my neurodivergent gender neutral monarch would redeem themself in some way, and I was far from let down.
  

Hmmm, I wonder why it “feels” like a slur to this girl? Ummm, durrrr, maybe because it is a slur. 

Leave it to a man to actually express this point so cogently, but it's inherently misogynistic and offensive to call a human being, especially a woman, by an overly broad descriptive term that could also apply to, say, a snuggly little kitty cat or blossoming chrysanthemum. That's why I'd never refer to any woman as "Siamese" or "Persian" no matter how many heads they have. And you won't catch me referring to any of my male coworkers as "neutered" or "husky," no matter how hopelessly infertile or repugnantly overweight they are. Speaking of the latter…

O#ese

Oh, you think "obese" is a "medical term" that you can just throw around all willy nilly? Pull your blouse down, sis…your fatphobia is showing. 

Tr/p (?)

I'm listening…

Yup, makes sense…I’m all in. And again, I'd hate to signal boost another one of my coworkers for publishing a problematic blog, butttt

F#mboy

Mmmhmmm.

K#ren

The recently popularized pejorative Karen, aside from the fact that it's excruciatingly unfunny when used in jest, is also abhorrently sexist and classist. As someone who sheepishly reverted to going by his initials to avoid the violent stigma associated with his government name, I can confidently cosign and knight "Karen" with slurhood. 

E#kimo

This one is actually true. Eskimo is undeniably a slur. Always has been. 

It's just a shame that some of my more ornery associates still can't get this through their viscous skulls.  

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W#ne mom

Self explanatory.

Leprechaun/Lucky Charms

Kind of a no brainer that "lucky charms" is offensive, but it bears repeating from time to time that the derogatory term that describes a diminutive ginger fairy midget from Irish folklore is undoubtedly an offensive slur as well. 

Rat

Thank God for the Content Warning (CW) of racism and slurs on this, because I don't think I could've dove into that truth bomb raw. And as much as I wish it didn't, that four-word super combo slur looked a little too familiar and close to home for me

I guess it just sucks when you have to signal boost one of your own.