Incredible Story Of How Guy Fieri Made A Young Man's Life With One Simple Tweet

Me. Bailey. I'm the young man.

Have you recovered from the shock that I am a man yet? Ready to move onto the subject at hand? Yes? Let's do it.

Twitter recently released a new feature to everyone where you can limit who can reply to your tweets. The new options are "only people you follow" and "only people you mention." Now, aside from using this to avoid getting myself ratio'd into oblivion because of yet another absolutely garbage ass take as I usually do, I wasn't really sure what purpose this serves. Then, it occurred to me, this is the ULTIMATE shoot your shot mechanism. I knew it was time to shoot my ultimate shot. Put this blue checkmark Twitter was dumb enough to give me and this new feature they were dumb enough to release on one public attempt to get someone exponentially more important than me to notice me.

My mind began to swirl with potential targets. A beautiful celebrity woman? I am not handsome enough to have a chance with 99.99% of beautiful women, let alone celebrities, so this seems like a poor option, but then it hit me. Kate Beckinsale? She has a history of giving unwarranted attention to dirty-looking young men covered in stupid tattoos. But a quick visit to her profile showed she hadn't tweeted since 2016. The odds of her seeing my horny attempt desperate for a single crumb of attention were slim, regardless of how horny I was at this given moment. Moving on, regrettably. 

An athlete? While it would be cool to get a tweet back from a sports legend, what is the end game there? I really want to use this to the top benefit possible. Per recent announcements, I am not even allowed in the bubble since I have met none of these athletes in person. If I can't pal around with my new potential Twitter friend, what's the point of this entire thing?

Then, as if a physical lightbulb appeared atop my head, it hit me. Someone who checks every single box. Active on Twitter, an elite athlete, a sex icon, may actually hangout with me at some point. The Mayor of Flavortown, The Gargantuan of Gangster, The Dealer of Donkey Sauce. Guy Fieri.

I knew it had to be him. My mind was made up. Next, it was time to craft my tweet.

I didn't want to come on too strong or over the top. Keep it simple stupid. Keep the creepiness to a minimum. After about an hour and a ton of miscues, I found something I thought would do the trick (see below).

I hit send. Now it was time to wait. I turned on tweet notifications for Guy and then got back to the rest of my night. Hours passed, the tweet began to get likes, and the pressure was now fully on. How embarrassing would this be if I never got a response? Me, a simp reply guy for Guy? There are worse things to be for sure, but still not really what I am going for here.

I woke up this morning and immediately grabbed my phone to see if he had replied. Nothing. At this point, morale levels are critically low. Twitter moves quickly, I'm sure Guy's mentions are bustling, and it was a near certainty that my embarrassing attempt would be forgotten forever. Then, as I sipped my morning coffee on the toilet, something magical happened. My phone buzzed. I assumed it was a text form a friend, or maybe even a snapchat from a girl, but it was so, so much better.

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Not only did he acknowledge me, he added additional praise! "Keep krushin' it" implies I was already krushin'! All the mean comments, the angry DMs, the haters oppositions suddenly washed away. Guy thinks I'm krushin' it? The most universally-liked man on earth? I'm good. Set for life.

Will keep you updated on the follow-up:

Have a good weekend everyone.