THIS Is Why You Shouldn't Parachute In The Middle Of A City At 2AM
It's very rare that I consider myself to be more intelligent than another human being. However, I believe that I am 100x smarter than the maniacs that jump out of a plane and pray their parachute is working properly.
People who go skydiving because they love the "thrill" can kick rocks. The same thing goes for all the people who do any sort of freefalling stunt. Basejumping, paragliding, hang gliding, etc etc. Laughing in the face of gravity is not the best move considering how quickly things could go poorly.
"Hey Ethan, maybe you should stop being such a bitchboy and live a little"
Well, stranger unbeknownst to me, you could just as easily argue that I'm doing exactly that; living. What's to stop one of these assholes from falling and meeting their imminent doom? A couple of strings attached to a piece of nylon? Thanks but no thanks. There's enough action on the ground as it is, no need for all this gliding mumbo jumbo.
A man parachuting in Cleveland crashed into a downtown apartment building, leaving him suspended 40 feet up in the air, dramatic video shows.
Footage posted to Instagram early Sunday shows the moment a 35-year-old man slammed into the side of a parking garage at the Reserve Square apartment complex, startling an onlooker who caught the incident on video from across the street.
"ohhhh he stuck as fuck" - man recording video. It literally couldn't be put any better.
It's situations like this that make the entire chutin' community look so bad. Like how can you possibly crash into a building? I was under the impression that you weren't supposed to fall from the sky into a place where such a thing could happen.
Whilst you could somewhat understand the rush of falling from thousands of feet in the air; it's kind of hard to picture people lining up to parachute into the middle of a fucking city. At that point, it just feels like you're asking to crash into the side of a building whilst someone records and laughs at you. One moment you're getting a nice overview of the city - life couldn't get any better - the next you're crashing into the side of a parking garage. The highest of the highs and the lowest of lows. Literally.
The man, who was not identified, told cops he and four others had jumped from a plane at about 2 a.m. Sunday prior to the spectacular impact, although authorities are looking into exactly where the group took off from, Cleveland police Sgt. Jennifer Ciaccia said in a statement to The Post.
The man’s four friends landed safely in a park across the street. They were not hurt, Ciaccia said.
The man who crashed into the building was suspended in midair some 40 feet up until Cleveland firefighters rescued him. He broke his ankle in the impact and was treated at a hospital
Thankfully he's alright but talk about embarrassing. Imagine being the ONLY one of your friends to splatter into a building. Meanwhile, all of his friends landed safely. Surely, they'll be nice about it and never remind him about it. Now he's got a story he'll hear 1000x over the next 5 years and a broken ankle. Sounds like a sick version of hell if you ask me.
The sneaky worst part of it all is waiting for the authorities to come. Like that guy was probably up there for a solid 2 hours before he was eventually saved, turning it into a thing. I'm getting secondhand embarrassment just thinking about this guy hanging up there like he's Jimmy Neutron getting his gum stuck in a tree.
Speaking of the authorities, are there any ramifications that come with this? Can't imagine the police are too thrilled about this whole thing. But is it necessarily illegal to accidentally collide with a building? There's only one thing I know for certain, it's gonna be a pure battle of semantics in the courtroom.
"Your honor there is no law against me being an asshole" - this guy (probably)
Also, what the fuck are they doing parachuting at two in the goddamn morning? When, you know, there's the least amount of light possible. The perfect time to try and navigate a parachute through a city. It's honestly pretty surprising that there was someone out there with their camera at the ready at that hour. Luckily for us, they were there to capture this whole thing and display this man's lack of agility on the 1's & 2's of the ole chute. If he was simply a better parachuter so-to-speak he wouldn't be in this situation.
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There's only one real lesson to take from this whole ordeal. That we should all just stay on the fucking ground (airplanes being the only exception).