You Think Women Sliding In The DMs Looking To Hook Up Is Cool? Well How About Guys High As Balls Asking For Godzilla Blogs?

Here at Barstool Sports our DMs could be either the best or worst places imaginable. For starters I wouldn't want to go anywhere near stuff that Kayce or Ellie receive. Nope, don't even want to think about it. On the contrary I'd imagine Dave's are pretty awesome. It's hit or miss. Mine, to zero surprise, are very miss if you were thinking women actually message me looking to date. What does my twitter consist of? Baseball, primarily the Yankees. I'd say a very large percentage of my followers are there for the Yankees tweets which is fantastic. I have no problem in the world shooting the shit with people about the Yankees and whatever baseball topic they bring up as long as I have the time. 

Every now and then I'll get asked if I ever get DMs from chicks sliding in. I always laugh. You want a glimpse into my direct messages that don't involve baseball? Look no further than here. 

Welcome to my world. Saturday night, high as balls, just thinking about Godzilla. Who does this kind fella choose to contact about his Godzilla fix? Ya boy. Hell yeah. This is probably my favorite DM of all time. Nothing can really top this. Just so out of left field it stopped me in my tracks. You bring up Godzilla, I'm in. 

To answer his question, I have not thought about blogging the history of Godzilla and chronologically mapping out what's transpired in that universe. But you know what? Here ya go sir. 

So how did Godzilla happen? Well it depends on what timeline you're looking at. If you go by the 1998 stand alone movie with Matthew Broderick, Godzilla was a lizard exposed to a military nuclear test in French Polynesia. The radiation from the blast caused him to become a giant, fire breathing monster that resembled almost nothing like the original Godzilla. The movie is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine because I love anything Godzilla, but for most it's a mockery. The current timeline and the one that should be used is Godzilla being an ancient, historic beast who was once a marine iguana from the Permian time period (250 million years ago). The high radiation levels on Earth caused him to grow to this enormous height and breath his blue fire out of his mouth. Once the radiation levels dropped he descended to the bottom of the ocean, only to come up when he had to and defend the Earth. 

As the story goes Godzilla resurfaced in the mid 1900s as American and Soviet submarines awakened him while testing out certain bombs in the ocean. He then began feeding off their new radiation, destroying these submarines, and getting stronger, putting him at 365 feet and weighing 90,000 tons. Monarch was then formed to study Godzilla and the rest of the monsters. 

King Ghidorah is a three headed evil space monster who just wants everyone to die. He is Godzilla's great foe and a big time asshole. Monarch discovered him frozen in Antarctica in 2016, but a few years later he was let out by an evil terroristic group that basically wanted the monsters to destroy the world and restore order to the planet. Idiots.  While Godzilla is known as King of the Monsters, Mothra is the Queen. She's the most common appearing monster in the Godzilla movies. Mothra is an ancient moth goddess from a tropical island and is basically immortal. Now matter how many times she dies she always comes back.  Rodan is known as the Fire Demon as he rests Iiterally inside a volcano. He's a big bipolar bird in the sense that he never knows which team he's fighting for. 

If you're still reading somehow and are actually interested in a timeline, here you go. I hope the five of you enjoyed this. 

They actually just released the first picture from the upcoming Godzilla vs Kong movie out next year. Here is you gift for making it this far. 

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