We Need to Re-Name Columbus, Ohio to ‘Flavortown’ Right Now

Amid some debates as to the merits of having Ohio’s capital named for Christopher Columbus, there are now calls to rename the city in honor of someone far more culturally important.

WSYX — The creator of the petition said the name "Flavortown" pays homage to the city's culinary history as well as Columbus native Guy Fieri. 

"Why not rename the city Flavortown? The new name is twofold. For one, it honors Central Ohio's proud heritage as a culinary crossroads and one of the nation's largest test markets for the food industry. Secondly, cheflebrity Guy Fieri was born in Columbus, so naming the city in honor of him (he's such a good dude, really) would be superior to its current nomenclature," the petition said.

Yep, sign me up.

Whoever wrote that petition hit the nail right on the head: why the hell not? So often in life, people overthink things. I’m not here to debate the merits of erasing Christopher Columbus from history, but I’ll do anything if the alternative is good enough, which Flavortown absolutely is.

You want to stimulate the local economy? I can’t even fathom how many $200 Flavortown Blue Jackets jerseys would be sold upon their release. Maybe they even get a re-brand to the Flavortown Grillers or something. I *heart* Flavortown t-shirts in every store in town. The whole nine yards.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a person in this country who is anti-Guy Fieri. And if one does exist, I have no interest in meeting him.

It’s about time our unproblematic king Guy Fieri is honored with a gesture of this magnitude. Take me to Flavortown.