Remember When Screech Got Arrested Back In December? Well It Turns Out It Was Because He Was Trying To Smirnoff "Ice Bros" At The Bar And No One Wanted To Play Along
Remember back in December when I wrote about Screech getting arrested for stabbing a guy in a Wisconsin bar? LINK TO MY BLOG. Well the full arrest report was just released and here is the story.
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According to [Ozaukee County District Attorney Adam] Gerol’s motion, Paul Rogers and his brothers were watching a basketball game at The Patio Bar & Grill on Dec. 25 when Diamond, 37, came up to one of the brothers with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice and announced, “You’ve been iced. Get on your knees and drink this.”
The man declined but Diamond persisted, until Rogers told him to back off.
A few minutes later, according to Rogers, Schutz approached his brother and said, “Just drink it.”
Again the man refused, allegedly prompting Diamond to walk to the middle of the bar and say words to the effect of, “Don’t make me stab someone on Christmas.” Rogers says he and his brothers thought Diamond had a knife, though they did not see one. They decided to leave the bar.
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Absolutely perfect. It’s actually so good I’m pissed at myself for not making the joke back in December because if we had really thought about it, really tried to figure out what Screech got in a fight for, it was 100% going to be icing bro’s at a bar like he’s some frat bro in 2009. “You’ve been iced, get on your knees and drink this”. That actually came out of his mouth. The image of that is absolutely hysterical. Just imagine someone saying that to you today in 2015, of course you’re going to tell them to fuck off. Screech couldn’t even wait the requisite 10 years before hipsters start icing people in a trendy ironic ode to the past. Nope, he’s out there in Wisconsin partying his ass off, icing everyone in his way. Probably even threw on some Lil Jon and East Side Boyz “Get Low”, really got after it. Just don’t you make Dustin Diamond stab someone on Christmas, he’ll fucking do it, and we now have the proof.
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PS
I’m legitimately terrified for when Screech finds out about FourLoko and EDM.
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