Would You...

- Beat her in a chugging race

personally I would (hardoooo) but I'd guess most of you wouldn't

- Ask her on a date

I technically can't but I'd also guess most of you would

- Buy her a nice seafood dinner that's way outside your budget

If she was polite, of course

- Exaggerate a willingness to be outdoors and go hiking and all that shit with her on the weekends

If you meet on an app, you don't have a choice

- Go to a dog shelter to look at puppies but not take any of them home

you monster

- Brag to your friends that "she gets it" or something like that

  no trust me she's really cool 

"Seriously though she's different. You guys just don't understand."

Everyone has that friend that thinks he's about to change the world based on 3-5 dates with some girl who also went to a Big Ten school. They can be the absolute worst. You're going to hate each other's guts just like everybody else in no time. Trust me.