Of Course I'm Taking Credit For Spiral Ham's Victory In Last Night's Cat Cave Derby

White Sox Dave4/13/2020 5:51 PM

In case you missed it, that dumb bitch Spiral Ham won last night's Cat Cave Derby in convincing fashion:

It legitimately SHOCKED the nation. Two whole lengths are you fucking serious!!!!!! And of course nobody was happier for that dumb bitch's victory than the adorable miss ChillWithChelss

But it's not just the fact that Spiral Ham won. It's the fact that he did it after the entire internet was in the midst of fawning over the PERFECTLY cooked spiral ham I made yesterday for Easter:

Look, I get it. It was Easter yesterday. Lots of people ate ham. But nobody ate my ham, the ham that was the rebound after the entire internet decimated my sausages…

and then my breakfast burrito…

…and then my T-bone steak, baked beans and Texas toast:

The parallels are just too similar. That dumb bitch Spiral Ham was a laughingstock until last night's victory. Same thing with the food I consumed, and guess what? Both of them rebounded incredibly, and needless to say, the thought went through my head that I willed Spiral Ham the horse to victory because of how perfect I baked spiral ham the food.

No big whoop. Not looking for people to suck my dick or anything because of it, just needed the people to understand that I played a major roll in that dumb bitch's win. Besides, who doesn't like having their egos stroked off here and there?

I don't even really see what the big deal is, but apparently Eddie and Sterk took offense to me taking credit:

Fucking idiots. If you don't think spiral ham the perfectly baked food had anything to do with Spiral Ham the horse winning last night, you just don't believe in fate, juju, destiny, or omens. That, and you have a big ol' dump in your pants.