How The U.S. Military Can Save Us From Our Sports Drought & Entertain The Masses
Ah, extra space at Boot Camp. Now the recruits will have a few extra feet between themselves & the constant mist of rage-spit flying from their Drill Instructor's mouths. But as this shows, our national defense is a necessity & boot camp and other training is still happening throughout the branches, even if it's slightly altered... which leads me to an idea on how we can bring sports broadcasts back.
Let's turn some cameras on all this training - the most physical action happening around the country right now - and play it on ESPN The Ocho with full commentary. Your tax dollars coming full circle for a great cause. Here's a few recommendations:
1. O-Course Races (Gladiator Style): Two units go head-to-head in a relay of sorts. As soon as one teammate makes it through the course and rings a bell at the top of the rope the next person can go. For added excitement, Gladiators can come out of nowhere and hit contenders with a lightly padded stick or grab at their ankles.
2. OC Spray Endurance: Few things are more painful than a large hit of oleoresin capsicum straight to the eyeballs and though going through it yourself is pure agony, watching others do it is genuinely top tier entertainment. No competition angle here, just seeing who can make it through the defensive & offensive moves and 'arrest' the perp while their face is basically on fire. Grab the popcorn. When I did it I had a string of snot & drool still attached to my face as it dragged on the ground while I ran the course. Hot, hot, hot.
Very scary closeup of my swollen, burning face hours after doing it & washing it off (sorry!):
3. Tear-Gas Chamber Crossfit:
Part of training requires recruits to enter the chamber & do jumping jacks & take off their masks & then put them back on and clear the gas. Depending on the amount & if they mess up the mask-clearing their eyes will tear up, they'll cough & sneeze (keeping 6 feet apart this time), and will likely salivate like crazy as their skin begins to itch a ton.
My proposal is - Why don't we send in hardos who have already been through it sans mask & see how long they can last doing a basic WOD (workout of the day). We can place bets on who we think will go longest & who will get most of the workout done. The money from the betting can go toward's the winner's unit. Dominos in the smoke pit for all & some top tier logs of dip.
3. Lieutenant Loafer Marathon: New officers of every branch run a full marathon in their off-work uniforms; khakis and loafers. Who will give up when their belt chafes too much? Whose loafer soles will wear out?
These are only a few of the many ideas we shared on today's ZeroBlog30. And I mean, really think about it... It would be a great recruiting tool, an easy way for our government to show the cool things our military members are up to, and us totally exploiting them would give our service members yet another way to serve the country they love by entertaining us. DoD - If you're reading this please slide into my DMs.
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As for the rest of you, please check out the latest ZBT! Whether you served or not it's a light, fun episode with a lot of laughs. Worth checking out even if you just want some happy background noise.