I Wanna Hate This Asshole Doing Snow Angels In Toilet Paper, But I Can't

White Sox Dave3/20/2020 3:30 PM

So Chief wrote this blog about how some dude stole 18,000 pounds worth of toilet paper this morning. Needless to say, there isn't a punishment to fit his crime. Assholes are in a time of need and we need to support them as a society. Nobody likes a ball hog.

Then it happened: I took a dump.

Just a standard early morning steamer, no big whoop. But then I went under my sink to grab a new roll of shit tickets and my heart sunk like ~~Penn National Stock~~ the Titanic:

Assuming I get snot slinging drunk and eat a bunch of deep fried food in the comfort of my own home all weekend, this TP stock will last me until... Tuesday. Maybe. It's clear that I haven't taken this pandemic as serious as I need to. Sure, I've practiced social distancing. Aside from trips to Mariano's I've made it a point to not be in contact with anyone not located in Barstool Chicago's central HQ. That, and my fridge is FULLY stocked for the first time in my entire life. Not kidding, it's an actual refrigerator for once.

But then I saw this fuckwad on Twitter today:

MY GOD IN HEAVEN THE NERVE OF THIS DICKHEAD!!! Just rubbing his literal wealth in everyone's fucking face. And I'm not kidding when I say toilet paper should be backing the US dollar moving forward. Call it the "white gold standard". It's been blogged about more than anything on Barstool recently:

But back to dickhead with the TP hoard. My favorite part is that he is completely leaning into his heel status right now. His snow angel stunt is his pinned tweet too. He doesn't give a FUCK that Coronavirus isn't the only pandemic striking vengeance on the world, because he's built a complete and total immunity to the worst pandemic of them all: mud butt.

And no, he doesn't let a few "oh my asshole needs to be cleaned" comments get to him either:

That's the kinda asshole (figurative, not literal) that I just can't hate. I mean I do hate him because he's a loser that hoarded 8 months worth of toilet paper and that's just kinda a weird move, but I don't hate how he doubles and triples down on being one of the biggest dick heads on earth. I mean, to troll the entire world by doing snow angels in toilet paper that they want but can't have? That's objectively funny. I'll even take a case of mud butt or two myself just for the laughs, because those are few and far between right now as well.

Still.. fuck this guy. But not really. I respect a good troll game and this guy has it in spades.

PS - will definitely be giving this a shot