Mike Mikeness: The March Madness of Mikes/Michaels
Ok, so wow. What a turn out for the 19th Annual Mike Mikeness Championships. I know I say this every year, but I don't think it's ever been more difficult to narrow down the field to just 64 Mikes. The seeding process was also predictably grueling, but I’m confident the committee did the best job they possibly could. Hell, they always do. As usual, this year's contestants will be competing for the Golden Mike award. Unfortunately, our long-time sponsor dropped out at the last minute, but this year’s Mike Mikeness will be brought to you by Penn Station East Coast Subs.
Just a few ground rules and reminders before the polls are opened up:
- Mike Mikeness is divided into four different "regions" (categories) based on the participants' area of expertise
- Existence/sentience is NOT a requirement for Mike Mikeness eligibility. I don’t want any repeats of the 2009 Mike and Ike controversy or the 2013 Michael Clarke Duncan fiasco. They qualified fair and square
- This tournament is strictly to decide which Mike/Michael is/was the BEST at their respective craft or field. You should NOT be basing your votes on who you personally like the most or who you think is the sexiest/most fuckable. I don't want any repeats of the 2003 Jillian Michaels debacle or the 2017 Michael Moore catastrophe
- Michael Bruce Ross was disqualified from this year's tournament for posthumously violating league rules
- Mike Sorrentino withdrew from the competition due to a personal situation
THE BRACKET:
REGIONAL BREAKDOWNS:
PENN STATION PLAY-IN GAME: Mike Trout (Angels CF) over Michael Sam (Rams End) DECISION 52% - 48%
DIRTY MIKE'S DARK HORSE OF THE REGION: Michael Labelle (Professional FIFA Player)
PENN STATION PLAY-IN GAME: Michael Rapaport (Sully Extra) over Michael Rooker (The Walking Dead) INJURY DEFAULT (White Guilt)
DIRTY MIKE'S DARK HORSE OF THE REGION: M. Night Shyamalan (The Village Director)
PENN STATION PLAY-IN GAME: Michael Kroeger (Nickelback Bassist) over Michael Clifford (5 Seconds of Summer) 100% - 0%
DIRTY MIKE'S DARK HORSE OF THE REGION: Michael "Mike D" Diamond (Beastie Boys Founder)
PENN STATION PLAY-IN GAME: Blind Mike (The Kirk Minihane Show Co-Host) over Mike Wazowski (Monster's, Inc. Character) DECISION 2-1
DIRTY MIKE'S DARK HORSE OF THE REGION: Michael (1996) starring John Travolta as a cigarette-smoking, womanizing angel