PSA: Doctors Say Shoving Potatoes Up Your Ass Will NOT Get Rid Of Hemorrhoids
NY Post- Doctors are starting to get very concerned about people who subscribe to a dangerous home remedy touted on numerous websites, which involves inserting a potato into the rectum. Credible medical professionals are emphasizing that this will not, in fact, help with hemorrhoids (also known as piles).
“There is no medical evidence that putting frozen potatoes inside the anus can help cure piles, so I would urge caution to anyone thinking of doing it,” Dr. Diana Gall tells Wales Online, noting that those suffering from the condition can attempt to treat it at home in a number of ways — but sticking frozen spuds up their butt is not one of them.
Look, I am not a doctor and based on the latest Barstool traffic demographics, it's pretty likely that you aren't either. However, I tend to listen to what they say when it comes to health because they went to medical school for years and likely encountered a comical amount of debt just to help other people. If the local Ass Man confirms my suspicions that baking a potato in my body's comfortable 98.6 degree heat will not alleviate any sort of hemorrhoidal discomfort, I tend to believe them.
Blogger's Rendition:
Yet in scenarios like this where modern science butts heads directly with "supermodern internet science" (AKA people that may or may not be pushing nonsense that kinda makes sense to the uninformed on websites or Facebook pages that don't even have to look professional), I always refer the critically acclaimed and hilarious TV show Always Sunny.
Mac raises some very good points here as well about science. Then again, Mac is a fictional character in a show where the lead characters are amongst the most twisted and fucked up group of people to ever grace a TV screen that have done things like painted a baby with shoe polish, kidnapped multiple people, and destroyed poor Rickety Cricket's goddamn life.
Which takes me to my diagnosis. If you want to cure your discomfort by turning your asshole into essentially a french fry sleeve, that's up to you. If you want to go the old fashioned route like going to the doctor, eating lots of fiber, and soaking yourself in a soup of your own filth, you can do that as well.
“Piles often go away on their own after a few days, but there are some tried and trusted ways to keep them at bay,” she says. “You should drink plenty of fluids and maintain a fiber-rich diet and try having regular warm baths to ease itching and pain.” If home treatments don’t work, she adds, those with hemorrhoids should go to the doctor — and not begin prescribing to increasingly outlandish cures instead, out of embarrassment.
But no matter what you choose, make sure to tweet @UncleChaps about your experiences as nobody should have to fight the discomfort and shame of hemorrhoids alone.